The Sound of Silence

There are times when I go a few days without talking. This is not by choice I just do not have anyone to talk to. Then when I do go to talk my voice is different from not using it. I also talk fast and try to fit everything I have wanted to talk about into that one conversation. This does not go well, the person on the other end gets frustrated with me hogging the conversation. So what happens? They call less. I am talking about my sister and even my best friend. My father who I live with, has constant ringing in one ear from bursting his ear drum twice. Once in the Navy and the other time scuba diving. He also is cranky and has no patience from being on dialysis. I can’t really blame them. But if I had interaction more often maybe it wouln’t be like this. That also is my fault. I do not make friends easily, it has always been difficult for me. Do you know how it feels when no one wants to talk to you? I’m not paranoid, or being sensitive. My father has told me to be quiet or stop talking. I now ask him if it’s ok to talk. Most times he says no. I talk out loud to the dogs or myself when the silence is too much to bare. When I was younger I didn’t need to talk I was happy by myself. Now I’m lonely and want to talk. Yes I have tried groups and they were a disaster. It’s funny I would find myself with nothing to say. So I sit in my living room where there isn’t much living going on and listen to the silence.

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

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