I Once Was Blind

I can finally admit the reason people do not want to answer my phone calls or spend time with me. I am a negative person 85% of the time. When I do finally get to talk to someone I immediately start unloading my baggage. This can’t be fun for anyone. I have made excuses and put off trying therapy again for too long. Even if I go and they just listen it might help to stop this cycle. I know that CBT won’t cut it but there has to be something to fit my needs. The only problem is Medicare but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Moments of clarity come to me when I am manic. Today I went from manic to depressed to manic to depressed in hours. I was at the hairdressers and the receptionist is in college for psychology. She noticed it and asked me about it. I just thought it was another day. I’m going to have to talk to my doctor about it. I am getting worse it seams. When other people are commenting that they are worried and I can’t see why it’s a problem. Usually I know what’s going on. When I’m telling my dad we need toothpicks because my ears are yucky and don’t even know I have said the wrong word until he asks me twice about it there is something wrong. So it’s time to acknowledge I need more help. I hate doing it. But if I don’t I will be even lonelier than I am now.

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

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