Change is Fast

I don’t know if it’s the new medication or just me. In the last hour I have blogged, taken photos, told the police off, yelled at my dad, talked to myself a lot, cried, almost punched the wall and have felt like throwing up.

The police deserved it. The town decided to dig a 20 foot hole at the end of our driveway and not give us any warning. When my father came home from dialysis they were rude to him and made him park far away and walk back to our house. He had a problem at dialysis where his blood pressure dropped and they were going to have to call the ambulance. So I was pissed and went out there and yelled at them. Of course I sounded crazy because I think my words were a little slurred but you don’t treat an elderly sick man like that. I don’t care who you are. Meanwhile my father is in the house thinking they’re going to look up my name and see I’m Bipolar and have been in trouble before and I’m probably going to get tazered.

I made nice with them and just explained that he’s very ill and we can’t be boxed in. I still had this overwhelming feeling to hit someone. I used to get like that when I was drinking years ago. All you had to do was look at me, that’s it, just look at me. It’s only day 2 so I have to give it time. This weekend is hard anyway. I know people go out of their way to not talk to me because they’re having parties or gatherings and feel uncomfortable about me. So they just avoid me instead of dealing with me. They either don’t want me around the alcohol, past people that might be there or my babbling. I spend the summer alone. I am not the Incredible Hulk ready to start guzzling your Vodka while turning green and busting out of my clothes. I’m pretty secure in my Sobriety of 6 years and want to see 7.

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

You must be logged in to post a comment.

%d bloggers like this: