The Definition of Crazy

I’ve heard the definition of crazy is doing the same behavior over and over but expecting a different result each time. Example: I call my sister expecting her to answer the phone and talk to me. Even if it’s just for 5 minutes. Reality: I call my sister, she doesn’t answer, doesn’t call me back and I feel alone. Specifically when she butt dials me from a festival she’s at near her house with the kids and friends. I can hear the laughter and fun being had by all. My nephews squealing in the background, my sister talking mom talk with the other wives and mothers. I listen for a few moments just to torture myself because I must deserve it somehow, someway. I then send a text that she has butt dialed me AGAIN and I can hear everything she’s saying. No response. I went and took Cemetery pictures. Don’t get me wrong, it is a hobby. I find the sculptures beautiful, also the grounds. I always make sure I am respectful. I do it as art not in a mocking or in your face way. Still I’m sure people don’t appreciate me doing it. It makes me look worse according to my family. But there isn’t much I find interesting except art, making my jewelry, and watching movies. Some of these things cost money. I do not sell my jewelry. I could if I wanted to, but the market is over-saturated right now. It isn’t worth it. I would rather give it away to someone who appreciates it.

A friend of mine is going through a hard time right now. She is on the list for a heart transplant. She will never get one and she knows this. Both of her children have Developmental and Behavioral problems. 1 is 21 and is also Bipolar (unmedicated). The other is 14. The 21 year old has a girlfriend living there with them along with her 5year old and newborn. There are 11 people total living in the house. So much stress is put on her and her mother I don’t know how she does it. The oldest is prone to violent outbursts, not physical but screaming and throwing things. So when I can I do her hair. Her mother saw a pair of earrings I had on and loved them. Her birthday is in June and I will make that woman the most beautiful earrings ever because she deserves them. Someone said recently “Dana you use Swarovski Crystals and other good materials but you waste them on certain people by giving them away”. I was pissed. Everyone deserves to feel special. I don’t care who you are. Pauper or King we all have pain and if I can bring a little sparkle in the darkness I friggin will. Till I have nothing left to give.

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

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