Where I’ve Been~ Almost Dead

I finally went to the Emergency Room Tuesday after not feeling well for awhile. I knew in the back of my mind that something serious was going on when my feet started swelling 3 times their usual size. The intense pain in my head and neck worried me too. I still didn’t think it was going to be that bad or subconsciously maybe I had given up.

They took me in right away and took blood samples. I was exhausted and slept on and off while waiting. I told no one I was going and drove myself.

When a burly Irish doctor came over and sat down he took my hand. He looked upset, sad even. I felt bad for him. I didn’t know it was because he had bad news for me and all of the ER staff was upset. He said ” you need to call your family, it’s serious. Your creatinine level is 10 a normal level is a 1. You’re in Renal Failure and we don’t know why. We have to do surgery immediately.”

I was scared. I couldn’t get my sister to answer her phone and my dad wasn’t picking up either. They were telling me I could die and I had no one answering me. Another Dr. came in and asked about life saving measures, if I wanted them or not. I didn’t know. Finally my sister called back and came right away. They put stents in so urine could go from my kidneys to my bladder, which it had not been doing.

I was released late yesterday with no answers. I have to have many tests to figure out why this happened. The doctors that put the stents in said they had only seen damage like that in cases of TB. I don’t have TB. So the search is on.

The hospital I was at is not the best. On my 3rd day they lost access to water in all capacities. No flushing toilets, washing hands, nothing. I was being forced to urinate every 20 minutes to a half hour. My room did not have a bathroom in it. Nurses were irritated when I had to go because the IV had to be unplugged. If they ignored me I unplugged it myself and went to the bathroom across the hall. Then one of them got mad at me for doing this. I had no control after the surgery, when I had to go, I had to go.

The Bipolar Issue- A group of nurses were discussing me. One said that she was “going to pretend to be Bipolar so she could lose 120 pounds” and then they all laughed.

They didn’t give me 2 of my Bipolar meds because they didn’t have them 1 was Adderall and I’m pretty sure they had it. The other meds were generics but not like anything I had ever seen.

There were quite a few comments made about my Bipolar diagnosis and it left me feeling even more scared and alone. To make fun of a patient who is in a serious health crisis is like kicking a puppy. I was and still am disgusted.

The good part is that I want to get healthy and BE HAPPY no matter what. No more pity parties. It’s time to move on and move forward.

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

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