Just A Slight Breakdown

I may be a little manic. I went to bed at 4:00 a.m. after speed reading a book, smoking a few cigarettes, drinking plenty of fluids, and being released from the hospital 3 days ago from Kidney Failure.

I haven’t read a book in almost a year, I was and still am obsessed with the fact that I’m not drinking enough water which I hate. My father thinks it’s a contest on who’s sicker, the town is doing construction at the end of my driveway, I saw myself completely naked for the first time, everything is spinning in my head and I never went back on my antidepressants because they don’t know if they contributed to the kidney failure. They haven’t been on the market long enough to know long term side effects.

Safe to say I’m a little manic.

To top it all off today I started sobbing right before my brother-in-law dropped my car off. The door was open so he walked in. He asked if I was ok. I couldn’t even lie. He hugged me and said “Hang in there.” Asked if I needed anything then said “I got my buddy waiting in the street so gotta go, ok?”. What was I going to say? “No, I’m actually thinking of taking one of the jackhammers to the town hall and seeing how they like it and I don’t give a rat’s ass if I get arrested and cry until my kidneys shrivel up.” See not such a great mood. I’ve heard that about kidneys.

My sister keeps asking why I’m making everything so difficult when I only have 2 things to do. Rest and keep hydrated. She forgets I live with the man that didn’t like us staying home sick from school unless blood, a high fever or a trip to the ER was involved. That went for work too. You didn’t take a day because you had a head cold. Never. Bad work ethic. She forgets. Then says “move out” like it’s the easiest thing to do when the man has stood by YOU when he was healthier and could. And she thinks you have money hidden somewhere. Ugh! Sorry! I’m going to read the end of the book from last night again. Delicious Foods I think the title is. I know it’s good but I was speed reading so I didn’t maintain much.

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

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