Holiday Torment

Every year my mom cooked for the Holidays. She was an excellent cook. She made the best stuffing I’ve ever had. I would make sandwiches out of it with just stuffing and mayo. I know it sounds gross but it wasn’t. She did Thanksgiving and Christmas. She also did Easter and St. Patrick’s Day. There was only one thing that she didn’t like to do or wasn’t the greatest at and that was baking. That gene went to me.

I remember most of the time we would almost be done eating by the time my mom got to sit down to eat. I never appreciated that. I remember her trying to hide the turkey from me because I would steal the cooked crispy pieces of skin. I would still get to it. I would hear my name being screamed and I would laugh and hide. When the turkey was brought to the table there would be bald patches where I took the skin. It got to the point where she would just cut me off pieces of the skin and slice up the turkey before bringing it to the table. This was because she loved me.

All Holidays stopped for me February 21, 2008 at 10:07 p.m. This is when she passed away in front of me. She was probably gone before I got there but they had to make it look good.

My Annie, my mom, gone at 62. After a life filled with sorrow and pain and then finally some joy is taken away. How can you celebrate a Holiday after the light in the room is no longer there?

This year I decided we needed to do Thanksgiving. My father and I have a lot to be thankful for. Both of us have survived or cheated death this year. I would say that deserves a celebration. So I am doing all the cooking if I can keep my father out of the way! What a pain in the ass! He cooked in the Navy and thinks he knows everything. He knows Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast! I’m making an Italian Love Cake, Turkey, Stuffing, Mashed Potatoes, Gravy, and a Vegetable his Highness can agree on. I remind you this all has to be Gluten Free. Not so easy but if I’m left alone it’s easier. I just want the Italian Love Cake.

I’m hoping this will help change things. I’m also going to slowly bring in some Christmas decorations. My mother wouldn’t want us to be this way. She would want us to be loud and laughing like she always was.

My father and I will never be loud but we can try to have a good day together. Maybe.867961e557f4b8a6c46fdeba855a6ed4

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

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