If I Saw God



I was watching the video for Fear by Blue October and thinking. I should never think, it gets me into trouble.

What I was thinking was how at peace the singer looked, how wise he looked, almost God like.

Then I thought if there was a God I would want him to look like that. I would want him to look battle worn and wary but at peace with himself because he knows he did his best in this world.

I would want him to have the height and long arms to hug me with and hold me while I cried out all my pain and shame. The kind smile and the light in his eyes that says “It’s ok I’ve been there too, I know and you’ll get through this”.

The tattoos that tell his own story of sadness and joy, to show he was human once and truly understands. But mostly the arms wide open, with the sun behind him and the sound of the ocean, looking to give comfort. If I believed in God and saw him that is how I would want it to be. It just appeared so calming to me at the moment.

That’s putting a lot of pressure on Mr. Furstenfeld and I’m not saying he’s God just that he has a God like appearance in that video and seams at peace with himself. I think he’s worked hard for that. He goes from crushing anguish to sublime salvation. I’m envious and wish I could achieve the same. His music helps me and for that I thank him. I hope to see him one day at one of his more personal performances. lol I’ve been saying that for years now and my brother in law even called to get me into one of his Boston shows and I freaked myself out too much because I would have to go alone and it was at a café/bookstore and I wouldn’t know anyone. Ughhh!

I know I switch subjects often but this reminds me that my brother in law really isn’t that bad. He also gave me a stack of Buckcherry tickets because he knew I liked them and he got them as a promotion. He’s offered other things too. He does care about me, I would even say he loves me. How could he not? lol


About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

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