When You’re Unbelievable

While talking to my sister today I mentioned I might go to the ER at Mass General before my scheduled appointment with the specialist. She wanted to know why.

I told her my temperature had been running low, 95 to 96 degrees. When I looked it up it said when you have problems with your kidneys it’s an indicator of kidney failure. I also am having extreme headaches, pain in my sides that radiates to my back and pelvis. I’m having a hard time breathing also. I’ve lost more weight and everything has an odd taste to it. Even my toothpaste tastes salty. The more water I drink the worse the pain is.

My sister’s response to all this was that maybe my Conversion Disorder was causing me to think I was having all of these problems and that I shouldn’t be looking on the internet.

I was thinking maybe I needed to have my medical records tattooed on me so everyone would believe how serious my condition is. You don’t go into Kidney Failure 2 times in a couple of months for no reason. It says in my charts that “Life saving measures were taken” both times. Isn’t that enough to be taken seriously and to be believed by your loved ones?

It makes me angry, frustrated and sad. All you have to do is look at me to see that I’m seriously ill. Why would I make it up when there is documented evidence? I don’t understand the quickness to write everything off due to my mental illnesses.

I can’t get any peace here. I sleep for maybe 2 hours a night. I want to just go to hotel with a comfortable bed and sleep for 2 days. I don’t have the money of course.

I just want to know what’s going on and why. I want answers. The longer it goes on the more damage there is to my kidneys that can’t be reversed. I don’t even have the energy to clean myself up to go to the hospital. I can’t concentrate for long. I hope this is over soon.

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

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