This is how my twin sister now answers her phone when she sees it’s me calling her. The first time I thought she was joking. She wasn’t.

When I tell her that everyone is fine she responds with “Ok, well I’m taking a nap so bye.” and hangs up. If I need to tell her something about our father or my health she will listen briefly.

It’s school vacation for my nephews. The last time I was in the Hospital and when we drove to Mass General she mentioned the two of us doing something with the kids. She said maybe a Hotel and the Aquarium. I was excited and happy. I should’ve known better.

My ex-sister in law called my father to ask if he wanted to meet her and MY SISTER’S KIDS at Chuckie Cheese. She said she knows he doesn’t see them often because my  sister doesn’t like coming to our house and by the way neither does she.

I then found out my sister was taking the kids to Maine with her mother in law and sister in law for 4 days of their vacation week. My sister in law was taking the kids Thursday morning and bringing them back Friday afternoon. As you can imagine that didn’t leave time for me to take them somewhere as promised.

When I asked my sister about this she said she didn’t remember any of that conversation with me. I also was a little pissed that my ex-sister in law took it upon herself to invite OUR FATHER to visit with my SISTER’S KIDS and her telling him his own daughter doesn’t like to come to our house. I could care less if my ex-sister in law ever came to our house, but you don’t say that to a 73 year old man on Dialysis who just had another health scare last week when he was hours from having a stroke.

The biggest reason the two of them do not like coming to our house is because of the 3 dogs and 2 birds in the house. In the last 6 months we have lost 2 of our beloved dogs. My father was devastated at both deaths. Yes they were of a senior age but we thought they were still healthy because of their actions. They were both still running around, playing, eating, drinking and showed no signs of illness. The one who passed recently had a heart murmur so we knew in the back of our minds that our time with him was coming to an end. The way he was found by me was traumatic. I didn’t take it well. Neither my twin sister or ex-sister in law said a thing about their deaths. Neither of them are animal lovers. The dogs would bark too much when people visited and that would set off the birds squawking. It was too much chaos for them. I repeatedly told them that if they just came in and went right to the couch and relaxed it would stop. The dogs were not used to having people in the house. My father and I do not get many visitors. Ok, I lied. We only get the mail person everyday. So how did they expect the dogs to act? They didn’t bite or anything they just barked at first. They were 3 lapdogs. One a 5 pound medium haired Chihuahua and the other a 10 pound Papillion. Both beautiful.

I think it was up to my sister to invite my father to spend time with her kids and not someone else. Plus her blowing me off with the kids hurt. They had an amazing time by the way. A sleigh ride and a Hotel with an indoor pool that had a tunnel going to a heated outside pool. They were in it for hours while the snow fell. How nice. Sorry I don’t have the money that her mother in law has but I was still going to pay for a nice Hotel for all of us to do something together.

Over the years I’ve paid many times for my sister and I to go away places. I did it with both pregnancies because she was feeling down. Even after both kids were born I took her on an expensive Spa Vacation. She said she would pay for some of it. When I went to pick her up her husband said “By the way we’re broke so she can’t really spend any money”. This did not stop her from booking the most expensive facial and the most expensive massage. She also ordered the most expensive items on the Menu at the restaurant attached. The final straw for me was her ordering 3 glasses of expensive wine each night knowing I was sober for about 2 years and making me pay for it. I could’ve said no to everything she did. I didn’t because I love her and thought she needed a break. When she received a chunk of money I was never paid back for anything. I still didn’t say anything.

After recent events I decided no more. If I want to go somewhere from now on it’s alone. I’m not going to pay family to spend time with me and take advantage of me. If I wanted that I never would have quit drinking and stayed in the gutter with the rest of the leeches. I know it sounds harsh but I am beyond showing that it bothers me.

So once the weather is warmer and my health is better I am going to try to make some friends and do more activities alone but where I can meet people with similar interests.

On a different note. I stopped taking my Topamax (mood stabilizer). The first reason is it causes kidney stones. The second reason is I noticed that I felt better without it when I ran out due to insurance issues. When I went back on it I was crying first thing in the morning again and very irritable until about 2:00 p.m. so I tried stopping it again. The crying and irritability stopped. The only problem is at night I feel like my arms and legs are being pulled from their sockets. I have arthritis and osteoporosis in my hips and pelvis but I don’t remember anything being wrong with my shoulders. I don’t know if this is a withdrawal symptom or not. If anyone has had a similar experience let me know.

I might be a little manic at the moment so excuse the rambling, but you knew what you were getting into when you picked to read me by my site’s title. lol

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

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