Please Share If You…….

I am an Alcoholic with Bipolar and Conversion Disorder. I have been sober over 7 years. I come from a long line of alcoholics and family members with mental health issues. My niece was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder around the age of 15. She was diagnosed before me. Her diagnosis actually helped me get my diagnosis. I have probably been Bipolar from the age of 12/13. At 17 I started drinking. My niece chose heroin to self medicate. She has been clean for 2 years or so. She may have had 1 slip up. My brother, her father, is an active alcoholic.

My brother and ex sister in law would fight often in front of the kids when they were little. It would get pretty bad. My ex sister in law chose to stay with my brother for far too many years. My mother would even beg her to leave for the kids. She refused. When my brother eventually left her it was too late. The kids had been subjected to way too much. The oldest, like I said is Bipolar and a heroin addict in remission. The middle daughter cuts herself and has been caught drinking frequently. The youngest is graduating top of his class from high school and does nothing wrong.

The thing I hate is getting ridiculous “memes” or quotes from my sister in law and other members of Social Media. The most recent one is “Share if you hate heroin!”. I’ve received others saying “Share if you hate Cancer!” or other diseases. The problem I have is if I don’t share does it mean I “love” heroin or Cancer? No of course not. I think it’s a pointless thing to do.

As far as hating an addiction goes I feel it isn’t the alcohol’s fault or the drug of choice’s fault. You make a choice to use these as a tool to cope with a deeper issue. When you blame what you are addicted to instead of trying to find out WHY you are addicted you probably will not do well in your sobriety.

My father is an exception. He loathes alcohol. He quit drinking over 30 years ago. He won’t go anywhere that has a lot of alcohol. Just the smell of it angers him. The problem with this is he never talked about his drinking. He never learned the correct way to deal with his anxiety and anger. Those feelings have ruled over him for years. I recently asked him if he wanted at least a few good years of having the anxiety gone at least. He said if it involved talking to a Doctor, than no. So I tried. It wasn’t the first time. I can’t force him and I can’t be his verbal punching bag either. I disengage when he gets in a mood.

I detest that no one takes responsibility for their actions. Those kids wouldn’t have suffered half as much as they did if my brother had divorced earlier. My own mother was willing to take her and the kids in to live with us. All we would hear is “But I love him!”. Ok then stop complaining and do the right thing for your children. Instead my sister in law spent most of their marriage dragging my mother into their fights and the rest of us. For years there were phone calls in the middle of the night because of the both of them. They were toxic together. I have a hard time cutting her any slack because of the kids. I know it isn’t the nicest thing to feel or do but it’s how I feel.

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

3 responses to “Please Share If You…….

  • Pieces of Bipolar

    I lived with an alcoholic for 17yrs – no children thankfully. I decided if I was going to do nothing to change my situation, I was not permitted to complain about it. My philosophy is I can only complain about something if I’m busy doing something to change the situation. If not, well I’ve made my choice and complaining is not permitted

    Liked by 1 person

    • darie73

      I just hit the wrong button and don’t know if my response went through! lol I was saying that I can be very judgemental and I have not mastered being able to complain without taking responsibility for my own actions. I think it’s very self-aware that you could come up with that philosophy.

      Like

  • Spanglish Jill

    That’s someone who needs others’ approval so they can justify feeling the way they do. And you have a right to your feelings about it all. Trust your gut 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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