I have a constant need to explain to the people around me why I am the way I am. Some of them think they know all there is to know and have stopped listening. There are others who feel guilty and don’t want to talk about it.

I have said for a few years now that nothing is working. But recently I have also admitted some things about myself and the people I have blamed. Let me start with some useful information.


  1. Seroquel
  2. Brintellix
  3. Viibryd
  4. Latuda
  5. Saphris
  6. Cymbalta
  7. Abilify
  8. Lexapro
  9. Paxil
  10. Prozac
  11. Effexor
  12. Adderall
  13. Topamax
  14. Klonopin
  15. Ativan
  16. Celexa
  17. Trazodone
  18. Tramadol
  19. Buspar
  20. Rexulti

At this point I’m on a combo of Viibryd, Adderall, and Topamax. Is it working? Not really. I’m not exactly running to tell my Doctor so I can go through another process of horrendous side effects only to have the medication not work or make things worse.

  • 50 % of Bipolar Individuals who get to a place of some “normalcy” will relapse within 2 years.
  • Clinicians and Diagnosticians can’t agree on a standard definition of Treatment Resistant Bipolar Disorder even though it is often seen in practices.
  • The standard practice for medication with Bipolar Patients is to combine several medications.
  • There is no set standard on which medication to use first or the dosage.
  • Recent studies show that Treatment Resistant Bipolar Patients are at a much higher risk of suicide and 25% of them have an alcohol problem. (This was specific to just alcohol)

Confirming a diagnosis for these patients can take years. These patients do not volunteer information, are poor historians, and need constant direction. If manic they will have a lack of awareness, an inability to know the consequences of their behavior and sometimes show arrogance.

Only 2 medications have officially been approved by the FDA to specifically treat Bipolar Disorder. Seroquel and Symbyax ( Prozac with Zyprexa). Traditional antidepressants have little benefit for Bipolar Depression and may actually cause a switch to mania. Effexor, Cymbalta, and Pristiq have been known to cause this to happen.

Lithium with Lamictal are still considered to be the most effective.

Personally I can’t take Lithium because I only have one kidney. I also realized when reading this that I might have been viewing things the wrong way.

In earlier years when I was forced to go to Therapy or a Psychiatrist I was still drinking and in my late teens, early twenties. It’s possible I didn’t volunteer information or give an accurate history. Most likely I didn’t realize the consequences of my behavior either. I’ve blamed my late diagnosis on the Doctors but I may be responsible too.

If they had looked at my file and seen the drinking, erratic behavior, and read one or two of the forms I filled out it may have helped. There were questions about promiscuity, spending habits, sleep habits, if family and friends sometimes thought you were “too hyper”, and questions about depression that should have set off some red flags.

I’m willing to take some responsibility now. I’m also willing to try again. I don’t want to be estranged from my family. I’m sick of thinking that every time I interact with someone I later overthink it. I immediately think I bothered them, I talked too much, I was annoying, they couldn’t wait to get away from me. I then sit in my car and cry. This isn’t living it’s just existing. cc368620fd2cc6600e7206dcda6a7240



About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

3 responses to “YOU MAY BE RIGHT, I MAY BE CRAZY

  • Pieces of Bipolar

    I’ve also been on loads of combinations finally arriving at my current Lithium and Lamotrigine. Seems to be doing the trick. I also had chronic alcohol abuse in my (untreated) early 20’s. You’ve made some really valid points here. I also doubt myself with social interactions. It’s one of the reasons I’ve become a recluse

    Liked by 1 person

    • darie73

      I’ve gotten to the point where I expect people to be annoyed with my constant talking (due to the meds mostly) then I stop and think of all the years I was silent. My best friend also puts it to me like this ” Did you kill anyone? Hurt anyone? Then you did nothing wrong, and have nothing to feel bad about”. She’s right. If I all I did is talk pleasantly too much and annoy someone, compared to past years that’s a good day!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Pieces of Bipolar

      I love that ” If I all I did is talk pleasantly too much and annoy someone, compared to past years that’s a good day!” Good attitude. I will try to adopt it for myself too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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