These last few months I have been more than depressed. I’ve been lying to myself and others just how off the rails I have become.
I saw my sister today for the first time in a long time. It’s easier to pretend on the phone. When my fraternal twin sees me and hears me in person it’s a different experience. I can’t control all of my little quirks and mannerisms. I frightened her. I thought bringing her gifts would distract her from noticing anything.
She repeatedly asked if I was okay and if I needed to go to the Hospital. I wasn’t making eye contact at all. I guess some people like that. Eventually I spewed out everything that’s wrong with me and the World. She in turn told me I exaggerate. I told her she doesn’t know what it’s like to enter a store and KNOW the staff is talking about you. She asked how I even knew they were talking about me.
I know because I’ve been to this store often while manic. I talk too much while I’m there. I used work in retail for many years. The staff I managed did the same thing when people “like me” came in. “Oh God! I can’t handle her today! Will you take care of her?”. And the person would be standing RIGHT THERE. I may be many things but I am not hard of hearing, I can see when someone is looking straight at me, and so far no one has diagnosed me as paranoid. I’ve had my own family act the same way when I am manic.
I AM TIRED OF NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON CALLING BULLSHIT ON SOMEONE ELSE’S BAD BEHAVIOR.
I don’t care if it’s in a store, I don’t care if it’s on Twitter, Facebook, or Nightly News. From now on when I see or hear about a group of people or even one person telling someone with a mental health issue that they should “just kill themselves” I will call them out on it.
If I hear or see a group of people or one person making jokes about addiction or not stepping up to the plate when they should’ve or saying “I liked you better when you drank”, I will personally call them out on it.
I am also disgusted with so called “famous people” using their fame for causes that guess what? They are not actually participating in! Don’t tell me you’re sober and when I meet you, you have half a bottle of wine in your hand. WINE COUNTS IDIOT! You are not sober if you are drinking a few bottles of wine a night and have wino teeth (a bluish tinge).
I don’t want to hear anymore hollow words from these people about Mental Health, Addiction, or Domestic Violence. I’M DONE!
I am not done with having MY VOICE HEARD. Send all the sterilization groups you want after me. You are beating a horse with NO VIABLE EGGS MORONS.
So I will continue to write what I want, when I want. The content will hopefully help some people because I’m tired of feeling helpless and hopeless in this place I have to live, I WANT TO LIVE. Anyone have any problems with that? I’m used to the unfriending, unfollowing and blocking so if you feel you must than it’s your choice. Just don’t let anyone else make it for you.
From here on out I hope to be less aggressive but I’m not promising anything.