what I am and what I am not

The one thing I wish my brother hadn’t taught me is how to read or decipher some computer programs and language. Then I wouldn’t let my overwhelming need to belong get the best of me.

It’s one thing to suspect a person dislikes you or finds you annoying, it’s completely different to know it.

  • I am not a robot.
  • I am not violent.
  • I am not a stalker type person.
  • I do get too excited about specific subjects.
  • I  have trouble with impulse control.
  • Sometimes my medications do not work due to my kidneys or they have added gluten as a binder.
  • I am tired of saying “I’m sorry”.
  • I am tired of explaining my actions to people I don’t even know.
  • I am too loyal.
  • I am too kind to most people.
  • I am weak.
  • I stay silent.
  • I am alone because it’s easier.
  • I take comfort in pain because it’s all I know.
  • I love my sister but I always doubt she loves me.
  • I am not afraid to die.
  • I am terrified of my dad dying.
  • I am an Atheist because I would never meet the criteria for Heaven.
  • I do believe in Hell because this is it.
  • I am witty. My dad says this also rhymes with “shitty”. He is also witty.
  • I am sarcastic when I shouldn’t be.
  • I do talk to myself when I am alone.
  • I go for months without any human contact. No hugs, or a slap on the back, or even a handshake.
  • I am tired of being different.
  • I am angry because I can’t say what I want to someone who has hurt me without stuttering.
  • I am ignored.
  • I have a voice no one hears when I speak. People have walked away while I was talking.
  • I am tired of the hamster wheel in my head.
  • I am tired of caring what everyone else thinks.
  • I am tired.
  • I am hurt.
  • I am done

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

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