I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch oh, the bitch is back. Stone cold sober as a matter of fact. I can bitch, I can bitch cause I’m better than you. It’s the way that I move, the things that I do.         ( Thank You Sir Elton John for reminding me it’s okay to stand up for myself.)


My Blog is about living with mental illness, stigma, addiction, and my own stories and personal struggles over the last 30 years and going forward.

It makes me less than happy when a person makes zero effort to read any other posts or the About section before leaving a 1,000 word comment either “dumbing down” a Psychiatric Procedure, or their theories on “Religion”, “Recovery”, and “Being Cured”.

When and if I comment I always try to read about the person I am making a comment to. That way if Jane/John is a Catholic/Christian/Scientologist/Baptist/Satanist/Atheist or worships birds like my dad I’ll know before I start cramming anything down their throats.

I also look for any diagnosis that’s been stated, medications, and treatments tried. If asked I’ll offer an opinion on something I know.

Here’s the rub, yes, I have a million and one diagnoses, but every Doctor agrees on one thing. I’m knowledgeable about all of my diagnoses. Most Doctors tell you NOT TO LEARN ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE. The problem is everything I have, from Psychiatric to Physical has been odd and rare for some reason. I have HAD TO EDUCATE MYSELF OR DIE.

If I had just let my Kidney Failure be “chalked up” to something “idiopathic” I wouldn’t be here right now. If I didn’t fight for further tests no one would’ve known exactly how bad things were. It took a particular test involving a chemical no one wanted to use on a 42 year old woman. I demanded they do it. Once they found out that I could no longer have children and would sign a form they were a little more at ease. But I will never forget the looks on their faces while I was on the table.

One of them had a daughter my age. He stood at my shoulder with his hand there the entire hour it took. The image slowly took shape. As I watched things progress on the screen and the technician squeezed my shoulder, I knew without him saying anything that something was wrong. I had taken some Biology in High school. I knew that a person’s kidneys were supposed to be almost equal in size or close to it. The man touching my shoulder stopped, he needed to turn away and clean his glasses. I’m not sure why I had such an affect. I did know that my left kidney looked the size of a gallon of milk while my right kidney was the size of a grape. It didn’t take an expert to tell me it shouldn’t be that way.

What I didn’t know was that the Doctor treating me at the time was going to let me continue without having stents in. The technician called him immediately to let him know that I no longer had a viable right kidney and the left was working at 73%. In 24 hours my Creatinine level had gone to 2.99 without the stents. The Doctor argued with the technician and continuously told him he must be wrong. 5 hours later I received a phone call at home from my Doctor. He told me to go to the Emergency Room immediately, I needed to have the stents put back in as soon as possible.

From what I understand, the technician, who holds a degree in Nuclear Medicine, went above my Doctor’s head. Several other Doctors agreed that it was a “life saving situation” and I needed to have the stents put back in immediately. After this I fired the Doctor and found a much better fit. A doctor who didn’t talk louder and slower to me when he found the part in my file where it says “patient is Bipolar”. I never got to thank the technician who put his job on the line for me. So I’ll do it now. Thank you for listening and seeing and understanding when I couldn’t speak.

I have a habit of researching everything I’m not sure of. That and I have a pen and notebook fetish. I like to research. It doesn’t mean I  buy into everything I read but it’s good to hear or read all sides before making up your mind.

This is what I did when I made my decision about ECT.

TO BE CONTINUED………renalscan

P.S.~ Not my actual scan. Just an example of how it works.


About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

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