HOW MUCH DOES THE “REAL WORLD” MATTER?

I love my family. Okay, I love some of them. The problem is my family is a pretty big contribution/trigger for some of the emotions and problems I go through.

I’m not completely blaming them. My dad and sister have done the best they are capable of doing. You can’t ask something of someone who isn’t capable of giving you what you need. That is the hardest to come to terms with.

I have used up all of the trust they ever had in me, they have had to deal with me for so long that their sympathy level is now either nonexistent or low. They have heard it all a thousand times and have stopped listening all together.

I didn’t tell my dad or sister about the Psychosis or Catatonia. There’s no point.

The “Real World” or so called “Normal People” (who decides who’s normal?) will never understand my day to day life. They will never understand what it’s like to have a group of people suggest you kill yourself so you won’t waste taxpayers money. They will never know how it feels to have strangers tell you that you should be sterilized so you don’t pass on your illness. They will never know what it’s like to want to drink yourself to death rather than feel the pain you feel. They won’t know what it’s like to almost succeed and lose everything in the process. What we do to one another I find appalling. It’s only here that I find peace.

And I know how it feels to cry myself to sleep    I’m that kid on every playground    who’s always chosen last    I’m the beggar on the corner    You’ve passed me on the street    And I wouldn’t be out here beggin’    If I had enough to eat    And don’t think I don’t notice     That our eyes never meet    I’m fat, I’m thin, I’m short, I’m tall, I’m deaf, I’m blind, hey aren’t we all    Don’t laugh at me    Don’t call me names    Don’t get your pleasure from my pain    Trying to overcome my past    You don’t have to be my friend    But is too much to ask    Don’t laugh at me

Lyrics by Steve Seskin, Allen Shamblin  (This isn’t the song in it’s entirety, just the main subject of the song)