I wonder why I’m still here. I’ve been in the hospital after more than 5 suicide attempts so I wonder why I’m still here. But I think I know. After watching a movie the other night, the film stayed with me. It still lingers. It’s familiar.
In the movie a young couple from a small town in New England are married and have three children. The husband still likes to drink with his buddies and go fishing on his brother’s boat with his nephew.
One night his friends are at his house until 2 a.m. drinking and playing games downstairs. The wife makes them leave, she was mad at first but then laughed at them for being idiots. Later on the husband is drunk and finds the house cold so he places another log in the fire place and decides to walk to the store up the street.
By the time he returns the house is in flames. The only one that survived was his wife. The police refuse to charge him because he forgot to put the screen on the fireplace. The look in his eyes when they tell him he won’t be held responsible is important. You don’t see relief. As he is walking out of their office he grabs an officer’s gun and tries to kill himself.
He moves away to another city and cuts himself off from his entire family and all of his friends. The people in the town blamed him for the fire but his friends and family didn’t.
He takes a janitorial job and lives in the basement of a building that resembles a cell. He follows the same routine everyday. He doesn’t interact with people. His self imposed isolation is painful to watch mostly because I see too much of myself. He carries all of the people he’s hurt around with him. When given a chance of forgiveness and a glimpse at happiness he’s unable to let go of his guilt and grief. He takes one more look at the sea before returning to his cell.
February 16th, 2017 at 8:46 AM
I haven’t watched the movie, BUT I understood that you were talking about a movie AND I completely got that he had placed himself in prison. But I write fiction, so maybe that’s why?
I just got done working through a toxic relationship dynamic this one story where the woman realizes the man fucked her over and he’s through with her so she makes this final bid (he’s a magical being that eats souls) to piss him off enough so he’ll take her soul so she can be with him forever, but he doesn’t – instead he converts into her a monster. So now she’s a slave – more so than before. And now I’m trying to decide which would be more emotionally powerful: having her nephew forgive her for accidently dragging him into this like I have it right now OR having the evil man force her to fight her nephew and make the nephew kill her out of mercy (and maybe have the forgiveness scene as she is dying)?
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February 16th, 2017 at 12:03 PM
Have you seen Nocturnal Animals? It might help with your decision. I would go with the nephew killing her out of mercy.
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February 16th, 2017 at 2:08 PM
No I haven’t seen it, but since you mentioned I feel now that I should. I wonder if it’s available on Netflix?
The more I think about it, the more I think it would be better if the nephew has to kill her, but does it out of mercy.
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February 17th, 2017 at 11:05 AM
Right now it’s only on Amazon.com or VUDU and it isn’t for rental yet.
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February 17th, 2017 at 2:19 PM
Oh okay, I will keep an eye out for it then.
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February 15th, 2017 at 11:42 AM
Is that the end of the story? It was a good one, but did WordPress cut it off??
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February 15th, 2017 at 12:30 PM
If it ends with him returning to his metaphorical cell than that’s the end.
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February 15th, 2017 at 12:32 PM
I see, that makes perfect sense
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February 15th, 2017 at 12:37 PM
He knew enough about himself to know that he wasn’t going to be able to do what was asked of him. He was too damaged. It’s “Manchester By The Sea” which I’m not sure many people noticed what he did. The way he lived like he was in prison. PLEASE!! If I could find someone who has watched Nocturnal Animals I would be sooo happy!!
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February 15th, 2017 at 12:39 PM
Hmm, I’ll look it up. Email me reminder
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February 15th, 2017 at 12:40 PM
Do you have a way to watch movies?
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February 15th, 2017 at 1:06 PM
Yes
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February 15th, 2017 at 12:41 PM
I mean your phone, tablet, or laptop. Sorry
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February 15th, 2017 at 12:32 PM
It’s how the movie ended. I didn’t really make it up but I do read in to the layers of a character and might see certain aspects that others don’t.
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February 15th, 2017 at 12:33 PM
Gotcha, I thought you made the whole thing up lol. Not really with it today sorry
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February 15th, 2017 at 12:40 PM
I understand. I woke up at 8:30 and didn’t stop crying until 11:10. I’m going to quit smoking because I don’t want to leave the house. My dad will be having a wonderful day with me.lol
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February 15th, 2017 at 1:07 PM
Oh boy haha
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February 15th, 2017 at 2:28 PM
Don’t forget to email me that movie reminder!
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February 15th, 2017 at 4:24 PM
Do you know anything about modafinil? My psych is prescribing it
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February 16th, 2017 at 12:43 PM
Yup! It’s usually used for people with Narcolepsy or a Sleep Disorder but it’s been used off label for Major Depression and Bipolar for a few years now. There are some side effects as always. Like lithium it can damage your liver and kidneys. It’s not recommended if you have heart problems, high blood pressure, mood disorders, or alcohol/substance abuse problems. Most common side effects are back pain, diarrhea, dizziness, headache, runny nose, nausea, and stuffy nose. That being side the reviews from patients have been mostly positive. On average it scored an 8.2 which is higher than most. You just have to be aware of changes in your health and be mindful that it is addictive.
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February 16th, 2017 at 1:12 PM
Thanks so much. I have lithium for mood disordee, why is he prescribing this?
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February 16th, 2017 at 1:16 PM
This gives you energy and focus it’s similar to Adderall but stronger
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February 16th, 2017 at 3:04 PM
I see
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