In a World where everything is said and done on Social Media, where the public is Judge, Jury, and Executioner, where am I to fit in?

I don’t think in terms of Black and White. To me there are always grey areas. This might be because of my experiences. I don’t know.

I do know while drinking and not knowing I was Bipolar I did things that the majority of the public would shun me for. I’ve spent nights in jail and said ugly things to people and to inanimate objects.

I remember having an argument with a large horse one evening. It turned out to be a cardboard cutout for a Budweiser advertisement. I was too drunk and manic to know it. Should I be held accountable for the rest of my life because of it?

I’ve physically hurt other people while drinking. Most of them hit me first and 2 of them called me something I won’t repeat here. Should I be punished for the rest of my life because of it?

I know what it’s like to feel out of control and not understand why. I know what addiction does to a person physically and mentally. These are the reasons I try not to judge anyone else unless I see cold hard facts. If I see that a person hasn’t changed or tried to change their behavior and continues to make the same mistakes it just makes me sad.

I’m not talking about serial killers or serious criminals, I’m talking about people who have made or continue to make bad decisions that land them in minor trouble. Like I said I don’t believe everything I read, I look for the facts and at the person’s behavior, and decide for myself.

I don’t think that gives anyone the right to attack me for voicing my opinion on a subject that I have personally researched. When people refuse to see that sometimes things are not always so clear cut, when they won’t budge at all, when they deny that there might be some grey in there somewhere, these people are arguing just to argue. Right Fighters.

I know them well. You either agree with them or screw. My sister is one and her husband is one. My brother is one also. It’s why my brother and sister have not talked since my mom died. They can’t accept the flaws that each of them have, but I do. It makes it a difficult World to live in when you try to understand why someone did what they did or said what they said. Maybe if more people tried it would be a better World.

Today as I sat on the couch feeling the loneliest I’ve ever felt, I looked into my dog’s eyes and pleaded with him to love me. I didn’t say it out loud. He got up and stood in my lap. He put his front legs around my neck and pressed his cheek to mine while I cried. My father sat one seat over and never noticed a thing. I told my sister I’m getting worse and she asked if I could find a perfume for her on Ebay. So much for this World.

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73

3 responses to “THIS WORLD

You must be logged in to post a comment.

%d bloggers like this: