I’m going to do this in two parts to hopefully make it easier.


Patient 1 suffered from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder and severe Depression. She was in and out of Inpatient Units, unable to work, sleeping most of the time and self-harmed.

It was at her lowest moment that one of her doctors suggested ECT or Electroconvulsive Therapy. She researched it and talked it over with her family. The success rate is actually as high as 60 to 90% Nationwide. She decided to give it a try.

When she arrived at the Hospital she found that there was a whole floor just for ECT.

“You go in, get settled in bed, they ask how you’ve been feeling, physically, emotionally, mentally. They get an IV ready and take your blood pressure, then they wheel you into the room where they actually do the ECT. I then have to state my name and birthday right before they put me to sleep”.  After waking up she finds a nurse or Doctor by her side.

“They already have me out of the room with a little oxygen mask and one of the doctors or nurses sitting next to me. Then we go into the other room where we get to snack and wait to get picked up”.

“It’s really, really helped with the depression. I mean I’m more afraid of the depression than the ECT, it’s saved my life.”


I had also researched ECT and talked it over with my Dad and sister. I had reached a point where there was nothing else to do. I was getting worse by the day. The depression part of my Bipolar Disorder had me thinking suicidal thoughts and my Conversion Disorder was out of control.

My doctor suggested that I go to the Hospital where he works during the day and tell them how I was feeling so they would admit me as soon as possible. Then I was to tell them he was my doctor and that we were planning to do ECT. This is what I did.

I was under the impression that I wouldn’t be in the Hospital for long but this was not the case. Even though my doctor worked there and they had access to my files they still had me wait for 3 days before scheduling the ECT.

During those 3 days they didn’t have one of my medications because it was too new. They also didn’t give me medication to sleep. Instead they use Benadryl. Most hospitals do, you just don’t know it.

The day of the procedure they got me prepared and gave me a light sedative first while they hooked up the heart monitors. The next thing I knew everything was called off because there was a “blip” on my EKG. They told me they would have to send me to another Hospital to have the ECT done because they did not have the “emergency equipment needed” if something went wrong with my heart during the ECT.

I was frustrated that a Hospital wouldn’t have the basic equipment needed if a patient went into Cardiac Arrest. They didn’t have a defibrillator? So I was sent to the nearest Hospital. I was there for another 3 days.

This Hospital had a doctor that didn’t believe in Klonopin so he refused to give it to me even though I had been on it for some time. They also didn’t have the same medication that was new to the market I had been on. So I went without my medications the entire time I was there. A nurse who happened to live near me told me not to disagree with this doctor because he had a habit of keeping patients longer than necessary if they did. Too late I had already had words with him.

No one explained what was going to happen. In fact no one talked to me at all before doing the ECT. When I woke up, I woke up alone and frightened. There was no doctor or nurse by my side.

Unfortunately because they did a Bilateral ECT and because of my Conversion Disorder I woke up thinking I was about 5 years old and I was waiting for my mommy. My head felt like it had been split in two. The pain was horrendous and my eyes wouldn’t stop tearing. I regret that they allowed my sister to see me like that. I know it scared her.

It took over 8 hours for me to slowly remember where I was, how old I was, and that my mom had passed away. The doctor kept me there another 3 days for no reason. My sister was pissed to say the least. I had not support from the staff at all and was forced to attend AA Meetings where AA members came to the Hospital and spoke. I wasn’t there for that, he wasn’t my doctor, I had been sober for years already, I screamed inside the entire time I was there.

When the ink was dry on my release form I told him exactly what I thought of him in front of 10 of his colleagues and got the hell out of there.

The actual ECT did work and my depression was gone for almost a year. The only down side is that it had sent me into a Manic Episode for about a month.

Would I do it again? Yes. But only if it was done the way I wanted it done. The “blip” was nothing but a “blip”. There was no reason to send me somewhere else. Patient 1 lives in the State next to me. I find it strange how the quality of care can be so different.

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73


  • migrainesfromhell

    Thanks for this great post! I’ve thought about having ECT before. Seems like I’m reading about more people having it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • darie73

      As long as you research the Facility, trust the doctor, and make sure there will be support for you when you wake up I think it can be extremely beneficial. I would do it again because my meds are not being absorbed but I don’t know if the doctors would do it because I now have Stage 3 Chronic Kidney Disease and I’m not as healthy as I was.

      Liked by 1 person

    • migrainesfromhell

      So glad it worked well for you! Does it seem like it’s being used as a treatment more often? I’m reading more about it, it seems.

      Liked by 1 person

    • darie73

      The last 5 years or so it’s become more accepted and not as taboo as it once was. If done correctly it can be life changing. I just happened to be sent to the wrong Hospital.

      Liked by 1 person

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