If you have ever had to spend time in a Psychiatric Facility or Psychiatric Ward of a Hospital than you would probably agree that it isn’t pleasant. At least in my experience it never was. Maybe it’s different in other States or places.
If a family member believes that you are a danger to yourself or others they can call the police and you may be held for up to 3 days on an Emergency Hold. It isn’t as easy as it sounds. Usually a judge will get involved and you will be evaluated.
THE FIRST TIME
I was about 18 when I was forced to stay a week in the Psychiatric Ward of a Hospital. They were able to do this because I had been in their ER 2 times previously with suicide attempts. The third time the hospital had a judge look at my records and he signed off on holding me.
What I remember is the screaming at night from other patients, the tuna they gave us to eat that smelled bad, I did not see a Doctor, I was not given any kind of tests, therapy or medication. I slept and watched television when we were allowed. The only person who came to see me was my Dad. My twin sister was embarrassed and my Mom was afraid. I just wanted to go home.
THE SECOND TIME
The second time I walked in on advice from my Doctor as a way to get ECT. It did not go as planned. What was supposed to be a two day stay turned into four days there and another four days at another Hospital that was worse.
THE THIRD HOSPITAL
The third Hospital left me feeling so helpless at one point I came close to jumping through the large window at the end of the hall. I knew there were bars on the other side of the glass and didn’t even care. The hospitals always mix together different mental illnesses and people detoxing. This is not a good mix. All you hear is moaning and screaming and no one helps them at all. Benadryl is a Psychiatric Hospital’s drug of choice. It’s cheap and makes most people sleepy. I’m not your average mentally ill patient. When the nurse came in with my “medication” I looked at it, then at her. I said “Benadryl?” she wouldn’t answer me. I told her I have a right to know what I’m taking. She finally said it was Benadryl. Every hospital I’ve been to uses it.
The Doctor in charge there didn’t believe in Klonopin so I was not allowed to have it. I had been taking it for over a year. Klonopin is not a drug that you just stop you have to be weaned off of it. The hospital didn’t carry my antidepressant either so they never gave that to me either. The Doctor also didn’t believe in using Topamax as a mood stabilizer so there went another medication. The only thing I was given the entire time was Benadryl.
After the Doctor performed a Bilateral ECT and I was recovered he patted me on the head and said “You’re such a young beautiful girl I don’t think you needed ECT or all this medication”. I wasn’t supposed to have a Bilateral ECT and if he had bothered to read my file he would’ve known that I did need the ECT and the medication or I would be dead now.
The most vile thing you can do to a person like me is threaten me with Hospitalization. The last time was so bad I don’t think I could do it.
My Dad started an argument with me the other day and it triggered my Conversion Disorder. He couldn’t understand what I was saying, it was gibberish. I was crying so hard, rocking back and forth, and repeating words that were not really words. This happens when I feel threatened or afraid. He screamed that he was going to call the police or 911. This made me worse.
My sister is on speed dial so I called her. She couldn’t understand me either. So she said that she was going to have me committed and then get me social workers so they could find me somewhere else to live.
Do you know what I wanted someone to say?
I LOVE YOU DANA AND YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY
Something I’ve only heard from one person who is no longer here.