It took too long for me to see what you were fighting. Caught up in my own toxic shit I couldn’t. Just like you couldn’t understand mine.
I forgot the scared little boy tormented daily, hiding his own secrets.
The boy became a man who only knew how to deal with his demons by drinking and trying to make everyone love him. And music. You loved the stage, the sound of the crowd screaming, proving you were worthy.
When it was taken away you were broken down again and I’m sorry I didn’t see it, recognize it for what it was, how much it meant.
The day we argued you were newly sober and I was defensive and felt shame. Shame is a powerful emotion and trigger. We should’ve come together as a family for the one person we both love. Instead it left a large hole in my relationship with you and my sister.
I’ll say it now. I take responsibility for the things I said and I’m sorry.