My talked to me today. She told me her husband’s band is having a record release party on the 20th. Of course I wasn’t invited. Then she told me the lead singer’s son shot himself in the head and is in a coma. He is 19. He was being evaluated by a Psychiatrist but they weren’t sure of his diagnosis.

My sister went on to say how she feels worse for people like him who “really” mean it when they try to kill themselves. I took this as her saying she really didn’t feel empathy or sympathy for me because I my attempts weren’t serious enough. 

I only have ugly scars and some issues with stomach from having it pumped a couple of times. I’m not sure if the charcoal times did any damage. My left pinkie and the finger next to it are numb a lot from nerve damage I caused but none of that counts I guess.

Would she have understood better if I had used a gun or a rope? Would she have loved me more when she thought of me than she does now?

I don’t know. I’m also beginning to not care what she feels or anyone else feels. It’s time to think of how I feel for a change. What makes me happy?

About darie73

I have lived with Bipolar Disorder since my early teens. I have lived with Social Anxiety Disorder for even longer. I self-medicated with alcohol for over 20 years, that's how long it took to get a diagnosis. I'm open and honest about my mental health so hopefully one day the system will change. View all posts by darie73


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