Category Archives: Addiction, Mental Health, And Celebrities


There’s a good reason I find myself “Following” a musician on Social Media. Through their lyrics, life stories or the topics they talk about I find that I relate to them more than other people.

Could this be because close to 70% of people in the Music Industry have a Mental Health issue and/or substance abuse problem? Personally, I think so. I can recognize myself in some of the people I’ve listened to or respected for years. I can see something in their eyes at times that I’ve seen in my own. Does this sound crazy? Probably. But I’ve voiced my suspicions about certain people that had not gone public with any problems only to find out later that I was actually correct. Two of these people I knew personally so I had a little more information than the public did years before things got to a point where the problems couldn’t be ignored anymore. No one listened to me then either.

I love it when someone only sees the words Bipolar, Alcoholic next to my name and immediately dismisses anything I say. Because anything I say must be crazy right? I love reading other people’s comments where they use the word “bipolar” as if it’s something funny. They also tend to spell it “bi-polar”. I love it when they use “bipolar” to describe the weather.

If I comment on any of this I get muted or blocked. That’s the way the game is played. In return I want to prove a point and tell them I know people in “their world” that can vouch for me. But I can’t. The funny thing is every band or musician I’ve ever met has actually liked me and has never had a problem talking to me, some for hours. Some I know through family and have been around them for years I even had to attend a wedding with one.

So I do get pissed off and defensive while on Social Media. That’s my problem not theirs. I’m also used to being ignored  and treated like I’m “less than”. This happens at the Doctors quite often and by my family. My Doctor ignored what I was telling her for so long that I almost died. She never took responsibility for ignoring my symptoms and the blood and protein that had been in my urine for over 10 years. If she had listened I might have two kidneys instead of one and not be in Stage 3/4 Chronic Kidney Disease.

I’m really tired of being mute and silenced. I’m tired of saying “I’m sorry” to everyone I know and walking on eggshells all the time. Most of all I’m just tired.

Now because I wasn’t listened to again my Urologist is worried that the stents used to keep my kidney working are badly infected and because my blood pressure is extremely low I could have the beginning of sepsis. So keep ignoring me.

DR. DREW, IT’S TIME WE TALKED (part of my new no tolerance policy)

The Hippocratic Oath is an oath taken by Physicians. One of the very first parts of this oath is First do no harm. Hopefully I don’t really have to explain too much of this. Basically the Physician puts the patients safety and life first.

Dr. Drew Pinsky is a Board Certified Internist and Board Certified in Addiction Medicine. This is from his Website. At first he had Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychology at USC but that is now gone.

Personally (and most of this is going to be personal) I believe Mental Health and Addiction needs to be treated together. Usually where you find one, you will find the other. If you don’t someone isn’t being honest. No one wakes up one day and says “You know what? I think I’ll take up Crack today. Yeah. Sounds pretty good. And after that maybe some IV drugs just in case the Crack isn’t fun enough”. Said no one ever.

There is always a reason. The problem is humans are either too afraid of the reason or honestly don’t remember the reason.

I admit there always exceptions to every rule. Some people are just f*cked up. They can’t be explained. But their numbers are few.

I admit that I watched “Celebrity Rehab”. I admit I watched “Celebrity Rehab” as an active Alcoholic. I would sit there and actually think I wasn’t as bad as some of people on the show.

But there came a time when I started to feel something in the pit of my stomach. Like rancid milk. I would watch a person unravel and think “there is more going on here than alcoholism. This person doesn’t need cameras they need psychiatric help”. It was before Mike Starr died from an overdose in 2011. He was the bassist for Alice in Chains. There was a much deeper, darker, pain in his eyes. And sometimes there was nothing in his eyes.

You can go to 100 meetings in a 100 days and it won’t do shit if you also have a Mental Illness that is not being treated or diagnosed. When I say “Mental Illness” that means anything from an Anxiety Disorder, Eating Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Schizophrenia, and Social Phobia. It does not mean you need to be locked down in a Psychiatric Facility for an unspecified amount of time.

What Dr. Drew did was exploit people who were no longer “famous”, who had addiction and mental health problems, who thought by being on television again it would revive their careers, and were emotionally ripped to shreds in the process. He made bad situations worse. Now some of these people might have died anyway. Some he could’ve done way more than he did, but he chose not to.

Jeff Conaway


from Season 1 and 2 passed away at the age of 60 in 2011. He was found Unconscious with opiates and other drugs in his system. Addiction and Depression possible Bipolar.

Rodney King from Season 2 had Alcohol, Cocaine, Marijuana, and PCP in his system which authorities say contributed to his drowning in 2012. Addiction, PTSD and Depression.

Joey Kovar from MTV’s Real World: Hollywood was on the third season. At the age of 29 he died from “opiate intoxication”. He suffered from addiction and mental health issues exhibited on the show.

Mindy McCready died from a self inflicted gun shot wound at the age of 37 in 2013 she had both addiction and mental health issues including Trauma.

Joanie Laurer (Chyna) passed away April 2016 from an overdose. She had many problems. Gender Identity, Possible Bipolar, Addiction, and Trauma. She’s the one that bothers me most. Everyone watched. They watched and watched. They did nothing. She was in so much pain it was like electricity shooting off of her.

I wasn’t sure whether to laugh, cry, or throw something when I read the condolence Tweets from the very same people who ruined her. Were some of them hit in the head with too many chairs, that they forgot the reason why she wasn’t wrestling with WWE?? Then to have the balls to give a half assed condolence made me sick. You are partly to blame. Own it!

So has Dr. Drew really helped anyone but himself?


Due to Dr. Drew’s appearance on the radio tonight I’m posting this again.



I have become an angry, negative person. I was also becoming someone who had lost the ability to empathize anymore. I had trouble with that to begin with unless it had to do with animals. It was when I saw 2 things, one in the newspaper and the other on TV that my feelings began to change.

The first item I saw had to do with a celebrity’s girlfriend or ex-girlfriend’s suicide. The autopsy results were released and the deeply personal suicide note to said celebrity was also released. The media made BOTH PUBLIC for all to read.

The biggest problem I have is this celebrity is known to be Bipolar and doesn’t take medication. He doesn’t talk about it much and does not advocate for the way he deals with his Bipolar Disorder. He figures it’s his choice and his alone. I have seen his decline in the last year, before and after the death of his girlfriend. One of his bestfriends I noticed was no longer seen in photos with him. I have an idea why.

Releasing the autopsy reports is iffy. She herself wasn’t in the public eye, it was ruled a suicide and not a homicide. I didn’t see the need to publicize it except for showing the different narcotics found in her system and who they had been prescribed to. The media had talked to her friends and family and found out that she would go through periods of extreme lows and highs.

The medications had been taken from the celebrity’s house. They had been prescribed under a fake name he often used. These were not your usual drugs. These were heavy narcotics. Different forms of morphine and propofol. I’m only guessing these were being used to self-medicate his Bipolar Disorder.

Publishing her suicide note for her friends and family to read is cruel. It was deeply personal and mostly about her relationship and love for him. When you throw two people together that are battling a storm without any survival tools it isn’t going to end well. Place the media in the face of the one left behind and we’re looking at a another potential tragedy.

Even someone who doesn’t have a mental illness would have a difficult time dealing with that pain and stress.  I wish him well and hope he reaches out to his friends and family that do still love him. You can’t hide behind a joke and a fake smile forever. It’s time to take off your mask and realize you will still be loved.

Sean Penn, El Chapo, And Addiction

So, Sean Penn takes it upon himself to seek out an infamous drug cartel warlord to do an interview for Rolling Stone. I’m sure in Mr. Penn’s mind this sounded rational. What he hoped to accomplish I’m not sure. He wasn’t planning on turning him over to any of the authorities looking for “El Chapo”. He just wanted to sit and chat. To break bread with a man affiliated with another man known as “The Stewmaker”.

The Stewmaker would put a bunch of dead bodies or not so dead bodies into a barrel of lye until there was nothing left but a goopy stew. Hence his nickname. This was not the only human body disposal system Mr. Guzman used. In his interview he said he wasn’t violent unless he had to defend himself. I guess a car filled with 2 teachers and their 3 children were a big threat. A 2 year old can do a lot of damage to the head of one of the biggest Cartels.

I understand growing up in poverty and being surrounded by violence, drugs and gangs. When you look around and all you see as a way out is to join the masses. I also understand the supply and demand. If the United States didn’t give the drug cartels such high demand they wouldn’t feel the need to offer up the supply and make billions of dollars doing so.

How many people in Hollywood whether it’s an actor, actress, singer, artist, etc. also feed into the demand? I think it’s quite a few.

How many Mentally Ill that can’t get access to a good doctor or medications feed into the demand? It’s more than a few. Does anyone take the time to think about that while saving other countries? When I see my heroine addicted Schizophrenic Uncle die from AIDS he contracted from a dirty needle while self medicating, being buried in Potter’s Field I want to vomit with the pain.

When I self medicated with alcohol and later cocaine I fed into the supply and demand. My niece who is also Mentally Ill self medicates with heroine. What is the solution for this? In this country?

“He had indisputable charisma” Mr. Penn wrote. Most Sociopaths do. I’ll admit he’s a shrewd businessman.

There was a time when all of the major drug cartels agreed to a Non Aggression Pact. El Chapo broke this pact by assassinating Rodulfo Carrillo Fuentes, head of the Juarez cartel. This set off a major power struggle between the remaining cartels and all bets were off. Let’s give the man a medal.

While incarcerated he treated prison like his personal playground. Using bribery and threats to bring in prostitutes, drugs and gourmet meals. It makes you wonder why he would want to escape.

There are many injustices in the world. I applaud those who want to right the wrongs. But maybe some of those people could use their influence in more productive ways. Maybe by starting in their own backyard.

I take a controlled substance for Bipolar Disorder. There are many Doctors and other patients with opinions on this. The insurance companies never want to cover it. I tried an experiment. I went 3 days without Adderall. For those 3 days I didn’t move. I remained on the couch drooling. The feeling of moving through quicksand was overwhelming. I couldn’t talk because my stutter was so enhanced. The crying was never ending. Finally my father asked why I was so bad. When I told him he was furious. For the first time he said screw what other people think! He said I needed that medicine and it had been prescribed by a Doctor. The only problem is the pharmacy now wants $190 for it. So do I sit on the couch and drool or fight? Unfortunately the people who abuse the drug have driven the cost up. Supply and demand. Those are some great words. A wonderful concept unless you are the one in demand.



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