Category Archives: ME


There are a few things that make me giddy with happiness.

Aerosmith or Steven Tyler in general. The lyrics and Steven Tyler’s whimsical, but also sage attitude.

Wolves- having the experience of spending time alone with them. Having them come to you when they wouldn’t come down for anyone else. The time spent too short but also sad because of where they were.

Making other people like me feel better. If I am to live my life in a 12 foot dark hole with no way out for most of the time than I am for damn sure going to help alleviate the pain of other people like me or die trying.

Any music that moves me with it’s lyrics. I wish I had the talent of a lyricist or a strong vocalist.

A Movie or TV Show that has a lasting impact. Something I can look forward to every week. There isn’t much. James Spader in the Blacklist is the first in a long time. His character is mesmerizing. I’ve always enjoyed Mr. Spader’s work. Of course there was always Sons of Anarchy and Justified. The music from S.O.A. was always impeccable. The song always fit the scene to a t. Justified was always overlooked. There was excellent writing and acting. Walton Goggins is so incredible even on S.O.A. Why he didn’t win awards is beyond me.

It sounds petty and it is. It makes me happy when someone realizes that I wasn’t being over dramatic, too sensitive, that my “insight” or “intuition” wasn’t “crazy” and I was correct all along.

Pet Peeves

All of a sudden I feel extremely annoyed and agitated. I dislike everything. I would normally say hate but I’m trying to use that word less. It loses it’s meaning the more it’s used. Just like the F word. I don’t use it often. My father doesn’t either. When you hear him say it you know to start running because it means something serious is going on. He has a deep voice that could rattle the windows. When we were younger and did something stupid all we had to do is hear the beginning of his deep voice saying “Woa!” and we were out of there. He never, ever, hit us. Not once. It was just the voice. I still have problems with it even at 42. He has a problem with my being Bipolar or any Mental Health problems I have. He doesn’t like to discuss it.

Doctors who act put out because they didn’t give you enough refills of your prescription to last until your next visit. Now you have to call their office along with your pharmacy because no one is responding and you have not had 2 of your meds for 2 days. I do love a run on sentence.

Doctors who fudge their records. There was no way you gave me 70 minutes of Psychotherapy unless it came with Hypnotherapy and I don’t remember.

I also never spent over an hour with my primary care physician unless she counts the time I sit alone in the room waiting for her which is usually an hour. Her actual face time with me is 15 minutes.

A rather large pet peeve of mine is feeling dismissed or like I’m treated differently when a person who I perceive as having “power” or being “above” me finds out that I’m diagnosed Bipolar or even a¬†recovering alcoholic. This happens often and more times than not I am told that I’m imagining it. I’m not. Surprisingly the people who do it the most are Doctors. ¬†What a “in your face moment” it was to have my sister witness it first hand 2 times. Did it change her behavior towards me? No.

I also don’t like people cutting me off or walking away when I’m speaking. It’s demeaning and rude. Do you know what it takes for me to speak? I have to go over in my head what I’m going to say 3 or 4 times. I have to try and find the right words and calm down enough so my stutter isn’t noticeable. All of this makes my thought process appear slower to people on the outside. And when I do finally get my turn no one listens.

I’ve tried to speak to 2 people today. Neither wanted to engage. I sometimes talk too much to the people who work at stores I go to. I then sit in my car and cry. I feel bad because they had to listen to “the crazy lady” talk because it’s part of their job. And I think how pathetic am I? I’m off to look at animal pictures or do some jewelry. I just got in trouble because my feathers got knocked over and Daisy the Pomeranian was rolling around in them. I found it funny but I can’t use them now because Daisy is slobbery. Not her fault I don’t think she’s 100% Pom.10648424_10205239024322028_7639272352034076795_osee?

The “Amazing” Steven Tyler And Other Opinions

I try not to do this often because there always seams to be some sort of backlash when I do. But me being who I am, never learns.

There is a video that someone put on YouTube featuring Steven Tyler singing the song Amazing at a Recovery Center. He also spent time talking to the people there in recovery. He doesn’t make a big to do about it when he does these things, he just does them. As far as I know.

There is a time during the song where you see him get emotional and he covers his face with his hands briefly. I know he was going through an emotional time then. He then looks out at the room, continues singing, and looks joyful. Maybe to have them there for support, people who understand where he’s been and where he is. Yes, I know he has money and fame but it really doesn’t buy you happiness at the end of the day when your family no longer speaks to you and the only people who do are the ones who want something. I’m not saying this is him but this does happen often. They are just people who hurt and struggle like anyone else. Although some will get pissed if their fans thought that of them. It’s ridiculous. Man up. You want to admit you are an addict/alcoholic but not human like the rest of us. I call bullshit on that. It’s why I loved watching Mr. Tyler doing his thing and not caring. He also didn’t call a press conference about it. I think it’s called humility.

In the world of the famous there is an outbreak of mental illness and addiction. They make it look easy. It’s misleading to the public around me. “You’re Bipolar? But So and So is Bipolar and you don’t act like her. She’s fine.” See what I mean? I get it often.

Mental Illness and Addiction comes in many shapes and sizes. There is no one size fits all or one cure for everyone. But I will say that nothing makes me happier than watching Steven Tyler sing.

%d bloggers like this: