I watched a beautiful video yesterday. The music was by Joey + Rory a married Country Duo. The song so poignant and mournful but heartwarming in a way. When I looked up the couple it made more sense to me. It also made me angry.
Here was a couple that seemed to honestly love one another. They loved what they did for a living. They fought to get where they are. And they fought to have a child together. They were a family filled with faith.
Their Faith in return was there for Joey when she was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer not long after her daughter was born. Did I mention her Faith was there when her daughter was born with Down Syndrome? Her Faith was there after she had to undergo radical surgeries to remove the cancer in 2014.
I wonder if her Faith was there when the doctors told her the cancer had returned in 2015 but in her colon. Was it there when they said it was terminal? Is it in her Hospice room?
I can’t answer for her, but I know I would have a problem with it. My mother had Cervical Cancer while pregnant with my sister and I. She had to have a hysterectomy immediately after we were born. She was devastated. She always wanted a big family. She was devastated at 52 when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She spent a month in a medically induced coma. The Hospital “forgot” to hook up the feeding tube for the first 6 days. She had to be suspended so the bed looked like it was hanging from the ceiling upside down so fluid couldn’t collect in the 1 portion of a lung she had left. When that ended we got a better view of what was really going on. Which was nothing. Sheets were not changed, they would leave her in a soiled diaper for hours, no one would check on her for hours. She was forgotten. My mom had faith at one time too.
I can think of at least 20 people a piece that should be suffering and leaving this earth instead of these 2 women. I don’t have that power or right. But supposedly God does. He only gives you what you can handle or they are needed in Heaven? There are a million clichés that won’t erase the fact that the world ISN’T a better place without these people. So save it. I’ve heard it all before. I still don’t understand and I never will. I understand the actions of a Sociopath better than Religion. They are more honest.
I can’t share my views about this around me. When I do I am told “You really don’t believe that” or “you’ll change your mind”. No, I won’t. I have felt this way for over 20 years. I’ve lied about it but I’ve still felt this way.
When other Mentally Ill or Recovering Alcoholics/Addicts play the God Card to me I find myself feeling disgusted. If they see God as a higher power and mention him occasionally than ok. But when all they talk about is their religion and God than they are replacing one addiction with another. Or fixating. It’s like when someone get’s sober but doesn’t deal with why they were drinking. That person usually becomes a “dry drunk” and they have the same problems just sober. My father is like this.
My Psychiatrist’s secretary actually asked me if I tried Prayer or went to Church. She thought this would help with my Bipolar Disorder immensely. She told me where she went and invited me along. I politely declined. I could have complained and she would have been fired. That isn’t something I would ever do. I knew she was coming from a good place and it was the 1st and only time she did it. If it was repeatedly we would have had a problem. She still shouldn’t do it, but I wasn’t going to be the one to tell her. Besides I’ve had worse said to me and you have to pick your battles.