Tag Archives: Dating

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY RULES?

In case you didn’t know I have not dated in over 10 years.

I wasn’t really looking to when I moved to a new state but I met someone unexpectedly. Finding someone with the same sense of humor, taste in music, and is easy to talk to (in person), is rare for me. Looks have never been as important to me as laughing and a good hug is. That being said the man I met happens to be extremely attractive. I thought I would have to call 911 for my Aunt when I showed her a picture of him. (insert laughter here)

I found out pretty fast that I wasn’t as good at texting/messaging as I am in person.

If I can’t see a person’s eyes and facial expressions I will overthink every little word/sentence that is sent to me. Who knew this would cause so many problems? Who knew there are so many likes/dislikes, pet peeves, and rules for texting!

For anyone else that is as confused as I am I have compiled information from various “love experts”, psychologists, and surveys. Take it all with a grain of salt or you’ll end up depressed and confused for days, weeks, months, maybe even years.

MEN’S PET PEEVES

  1. Initiating boring conversation: Supposedly a red flag for men giving them the impression that this is the best you have to offer. The advice given is to talk about things you’re passionate about. (I don’t think talking about mental health, stigma, bullying, or why serial killers do what they do is going to help me)
  2. Texting more than they do especially about things that don’t matter. (How are you supposed to know what matters unless you ease into it with small talk first?)
  3. NOT texting as much as they do or barely replying. It’s a blow to their ego. (Umm…WTF?)
  4. Responding with vague answers. Allegedly men just want clear cut answers. (So would I!)
  5. Ignoring compliments or deflecting them. They see it as a sign of insecurity. (First of all I am insecure and second I’m also humble.)
  6. Complaining about when they’ve “seen” your text but didn’t reply right away. According to a survey you are ALLOWED to question them about it 24 hours after your last text. (thanks for your permission)
  7. Frequently sending “missent” messages. Apparently they know what you’re up to. (Because of my kidneys my vision changes frequently and some profile pics look the same so I have done this at least once)
  8. Forcing them to reply at work. The only time it’s okay is if he’s not doing anything important. (Because I’m psychic?)
  9. Using one word answers. (Personally I think men do this way more than women)
  10. Bad grammar- One study showed that most men are turned off by incorrect spelling and using contractions wrong. (This is actually a pet peeve of mine but I’ve rarely received messages where the person’s grammar is perfect)
  11. Using ALL CAPS. They perceive it as shouting.
  12. No more than 3 texts in a row if he doesn’t answer after the first one. Don’t keep messaging without waiting for an answer.
  13. Really long texts. They will probably only be glanced at before he puts his phone away. (How am I supposed to talk about topics that I’m passionate about in one sentence?)
  14. Asking “aren’t you going to text me back?!”. It sounds clingy. (it also sounds one step from “I won’t be ignored Dan!” from Fatal Attraction.)

I’ll let you absorb this while I work on the Statistics and Emojis conundrum.

TO BE CONTINUED….

Dating Would Be So Much Better If We Could Just Kill Texting

 


Butterflies and Zebras

The Beginning

When I began frequenting The Storm I didn’t notice you. Maybe it was the newfound freedom mixed with manic episodes that caused my eyes to continually scan the room, never resting on one person for too long.

I felt like I was starting my life over. I felt like I could breathe without my family there to “babysit” me or judge me. It was an amazing feeling. The people here were so friendly and curious about what brought me to this small town. Few people living here are actually from here, most are from my neck of the woods.

I laughed, flirted a little, and met so many different types of people that I felt comfortable being as much of my weird self as I wanted to.

Failure To Remember

I forgot that my “weird self” is too sensitive, easily hurt, and has trouble trusting people. My brain will remind me of all my issues in some way at some point just never when I really need it to.

I never hung out with the kind of people who asked anyone out on a date. We spent our time mostly in groups. We went to concerts, a lot of parties, and drank heavily. If two people in the group started dating it never lasted long.

I still have never been asked out on what’s considered a “normal” date.

Instead, I learned how to fear most men, keep alert to any possible threats, and how emotional and physical pain changes you forever.

What If?

One night a tall, strong, outgoing, attractive man, started talking to me. We talked for a few hours and flirted. We left at the same time and when we got outside he kissed me. I felt nothing. For someone who hasn’t been with anyone in over 10 years, I expected to feel something. All I could think was “What if I’m too damaged from the past to feel anything again?”

You

I had been going to The Storm for about a month before I noticed you. You weren’t someone I would normally find attractive. It was when you laughed at a sarcastic idea I had and complimented me on my pale Irish skin that I began to see you differently. What really made me change my mind was when we started to talk about our favorite music and I realized how much we had in common.

I had just sat down in my usual spot when you came over to talk to me. Someone had seen us talking and laughing and decided to play matchmaker. You asked what my plans for the future were and if you could show me around. The butterflies in my stomach were out of control. I also wasn’t sure if you were asking me out on a date or just wanted to be my tour guide. I never did get a clear answer.

I didn’t accept your offer but you continued to come over and talk to me, compliment my skin, my outfits, noticing little details that no one else had. The butterflies grew and so did my fear.

You would hug me, always making a point to comment on how good I smelled. I was hesitant at first because I didn’t know if you did this with everyone or if you were interested in me. I also felt way too calm and comfortable, feelings I’m not used to.

I may have been naive about sober flirting or dating but that doesn’t mean I didn’t start to see the spiral I know so well. Some aspects of human behavior I seem to be able to pick up on sooner than others. I recognize when a person is struggling to keep their mask on.

 

The End?

Conversations took out of context and twisted plagued both of us. I don’t know exactly what you were going through but I could see a rapid change in your behavior. I ignored what other people said about you. Why? I did this because I learned a long time ago that unless I see it or hear it myself that person deserves the benefit of the doubt.

Unfortunately, you chose to believe someone you had just met who shouldn’t have been talking about me in the first place.

This is the very definition of gossip.

You reprimanded me in front of other people. I was humiliated, sad and angry. I very rarely swear but that night you wouldn’t listen and I reached a breaking point. I said I would find somewhere else to go and you did a slight nod and continued talking about how you needed your employees to respect you. I stopped you, trying my hardest not to cry, told you “I can’t” and left.

We’ve texted/messaged a little since then but it feels like you’re just being polite.

I understand you need to deal with issues in your own life.

But I’m still left wondering if any of it was real.

Thank You

I’m thanking you for making me feel again, at least I know it’s still possible. You also made me feel special, at least for a while. My self-confidence/self-esteem has improved immensely. I still think about the “what ifs” and if you will even let me know if you come back. Somehow I don’t think you will. I have to find a way to move on. For someone like me, it isn’t easy. I’ll remember all the good things about you because that’s how I am.

44 Relationship Quotes Funny You’re Going To Love

 


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