Tag Archives: Illness

COULD YOU HAVE THE BRAIN OF A PSYCHOPATH/SOCIOPATH?(You would be surprised at the answer.) pt. II

I have always been curious about why people do the things they do. Why do they behave in certain ways? I have read books on behavior patterns specifically of criminals, since I was young. I remember reading a book by the Head of The Serial Crime Division of the F.B.I. if I have that title correct. He did profiling. I was fascinated when they were off about the age of a suspect because he had spent 20 years in jail.

When you enter the penal system for a length of time, you stop maturing mentally, or psychologically. When you are released it’s like you are being released at the same age you went in.

The Mafia, specifically the Russian Mafia and their intricate tattoo system intrigued me. I would think of what these people could do if they really put their minds to it. Something positive. But you have to remember what was going on at the time.

I have always believed that Serial Killers and Violent Criminals are born not made.

It turns out they are both. I myself am walking proof of what it takes to possibly change the process early on.


Several Neurologists gather around rubbing their chins, eyes, bridges of their nose, and shake their heads. I watch all of these behaviors and I know something isn’t right. No one looks like they want to speak.

They make a decision on who will deliver the news. I wish they had chosen someone else.


  • Every single Serial Killer or Mass Murderer in history has had some symptom of a mental disorder or abuse. (Alley 2014)
  • 42% of Convicted Serial Killers suffered from Physical Abuse as a child.
  • 74% of Convicted Serial Killers suffered from Psychological Abuse.
  • 35% Witnessed Sexual Abuse.
  • 43% Were Sexually Abused themselves. (Michaud & Aynesworth)


BRAINSCANS AND INTERVIEWS ( 4,000 + Participants)

A Psychologist (Kiehl)  with a database of over 4,000 violent criminals with brain scans and thorough interviews found that there were two common elements that consistently showed up. Violent Criminals have less gray matter in the brain and smaller amygdala. The amygdala regulates:

  1. Emotion
  2. Behavior
  3. Motivation

There are other researchers that believe a Chromosome Abnormality could also give a person the predisposition to become a Serial Killer, Violent Criminal, or Mass Murderer.


The Neurologist sat me down in a small room and told me what they had found on the scans of my brain. These were more detailed scans because my hands had started to tremor.

The Neurologist said I had “a remarkably low amount of gray matter” and that the “amygdala part of my brain was smaller than usual”. I also had swelling on the left side of my brain and what looked like white lightning on the right. They said the swelling could have been from an infection in my brain while in the womb or something else.

They sent me on my way. I didn’t find out until recently that I was supposed to have follow up scans for the swelling on my brain. I never did.

My sister or father were always with me when I went to the Neurologists. I had trouble answering some questions due to a stutter that had started.

I was asked if I had ever had any head injuries. Before I could respond one of my family members would immediately say “NO”.

This was inaccurate. I had 2 head injuries. I still have a knot on my head from one that happened years ago. I never went to the Hospital for either one but had lost consciousness for a short time with both.

My family didn’t want me to say anything because they both happened while I was drinking. They were embarrassed. I was ashamed because I allowed someone to hurt me. We should’ve spoke up.








There’s nothing I find more cowardly and vile than blocking someone from Social Media. I’ve seen certain semi famous people do it for no reason other than the person was unattractive. Why couldn’t you just leave them on and just not interact with them? The guy wasn’t saying anything malicious or threatening he just wasn’t the same as everyone else.

I don’t think people understand the hurt they cause when they do these things. I’ve been blocked and banned from more bars than I can remember, it was embarrassing when I went to one I had forgotten about in ANOTHER STATE! But the difference is I had deserved to be thrown out and banned. At times my drinking was appalling. I remember letting J throw darts at an apple on my head. Not one of my shining moments. I would get into fights also.

I feel the need to make it clear that when I was violent towards someone else it was when I was drinking and 98% of the time there was jealousy and a guy involved. I usually chose to hit the guy because I had a death wish and I was always bigger than the girl. It doesn’t make it right but it had nothing to do with Mental Illness. Insecurity about my appearance and the inability to think that any man could love me, definitely.

The social media thing just seems so much more hurtful. I’ve been hurt by it. It took months to get past it. I have re learn the lesson every 6 months because I forget. I wish I didn’t but my brain has a way of doing that. I get sucked in to someone’s story that I relate to and think that they would relate to me. I never said I was smart.

Changing the subject I woke up on my stomach this morning. I never really do that. When I went to get off the bed my back seized up. I was stuck for 10 minutes. I think having that much pressure on my stents set something out alignment in my back. I’m crooked today and not able to walk well.

Malnutrition is the reason why I am not absorbing my medications correctly. I’m at 140 pounds now, I’ve gained weight just not the vitamins or minerals your body needs to survive. Because of my Kidney Disease and Celiac Disease I don’t get the nutrition I need.

There’s one problem. I don’t care anymore. I’m past caring about anything. I wanted to work with animals when I was little. When I grew older I became obsessed with the Music and Movie industry. How did I wind up spending most of my days alone coloring and crying?

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