Tag Archives: Lying


The cable bill has been huge for the last several months. I’m the one who pays it. They want us to update our modem or router for our phone. This would mean someone coming into the house and that’s not possible. It’s too much chaos for my oldest dog and for my Dad. I’ve talked to the cable company 6 different times and received different answers from each person. At the end of each call they all told me to talk to someone in the Loyalty Department. We’ve been with the company for 27 years.

I called the Loyalty Department today after speaking to yet another unhelpful person. I was frustrated and feeling like I was in a panic. I dislike making phone calls to begin with. I tried to explain as best as I could what was going on to the man in the Loyalty Department. I guess I was talking to fast because he said “M’am CALM DOWN. I can’t help you if you keep TALKING.” So I felt worse and began to stutter. He made a noise and began to laugh at me. I told him to forget it, I didn’t need help, and hung up crying.

I told my sister this and her response was “I’m sure he didn’t laugh at you. You probably just thought he did because you got yourself all worked up.”

I told my Dad and he said “He did not laugh at you.” and walked out of the room.

They have both personally witnessed someone laugh at, mimic, or make fun of me when I stutter. My Dad was in the Court Room when a Disability Judge did it and I had to restrain him from physically assaulting the Judge. But he doubts me now? My sister was in the Doctor’s office with me when a nurse did it. But she doubts me now? If these people who definitely know better would do it, why wouldn’t a customer service agent from a cable company?

They’re immune to how I feel or what I experience. I don’t blame them. They’ve had to put up with me for years.

But you know who has put up with the most and never doubts me? My best friend. I don’t talk to her often because she works 6 days a week but when I do it’s like no time has gone by.

I talk less and less each day. I have a feeling that’s okay with my family.5013a77dda1042859353823edf870c8c





I took a trip recently to Florida for some me time and to see a concert. About 2 months before I left I had noticed that in the mornings my behavior was horrible. I would pick fights with anyone who happened to be in front of me. This feeling would lessen as the day went on. My dad had noticed it also because I live with him.

I had looked up one of my medications, Topamax, and found many patients had the same reaction I did after being on it for a long period of time. Topamax was originally a seizure and migraine medication. Now it is used as a mood stabilizer and one part of a prescription weight loss drug.

I stopped taking it without telling my Doctor. Why didn’t I tell him? Probably because at every visit he will ask ” Have we tried you on BLANK?” How am I supposed to remember every medication he’s ever put me on? He has the computer right in front of him. I remember some of the really bad ones like Brintellix. But not all of them. I have tried at least 25 different combinations in the last 6 years plus ECT. You would think he would have my file ready before my appointment so he can see for himself what I have been on.

I started taking the Topamax again because I started having the problem. Biting everyone’s head off and my moods changing frequently. I was really good until about a week ago. I am really tired of medications. I’m tired of people asking me about my medications. “Did you take your meds today?”.

The Topamax is also used for alcoholism. It wasn’t given to me for that but was a side benefit. While I was on it I had no desire, want, or need, for alcohol. Lately I feel the opposite. I have been under an extreme amount of stress with my dad’s health, family arguments, isolation, and everyday crap. I have not drank since the one time in Florida but the need is there a little bit. I admit that when I think about it I want to vomit.

I hate when people lie to me. I know I have said this before but it continues to happen. No one wants to deal with my dad but you can bet that if something happens they will be the first ones here looking for money or anything else of value. It makes me extremely angry.

Trying to control my anger lately has been difficult. I go to my room and scream into my pillow when it gets too bad. If I wasn’t so tired, scared, and lazy I would find someone to talk to.

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