Tag Archives: Politics


Today I have received four phone calls informing me that my Social Security Number is once again suspended. If you read my previous post you know this has happened before and I reported it to three different agencies. The man threatened to send prostitutes to my house using my name online, open false bank accounts and buy weapons, and open credit cards. I admit I didn’t take it well when he got to the weapons part. I informed him he wouldn’t get far buying weapons with my Social Security number because I’m Mentally Ill and have bad credit. What I do have is a certificate in crazy and a brother who works in the Government and would be happy to track his ass down in India so I can visit. I also have a close friend who lived with a specific religious sect that would gladly help also. I admit I felt threatened and backed into a corner.

When I feel like this I either lash out or crawl so far into myself it takes days or weeks to come out. This time I lashed out.

Needless to say the Government did nothing. I’m not really surprised. I gave them the phone number, the names used, everything that was said and they didn’t ask for any of it!

So now I start getting the phone calls again only this time I just don’t care. I feel kind of done. I’m tired of being yelled at or ignored. I’m tired of apologizing for my existence, what I’ve said, didn’t say, what I’ve done or didn’t do. It’s constant, this need to say “I’m sorry” all the time.

It makes me feel weak and pathetic. Feelings I dislike immensely.

Everything has an effect on me, from movies, TV, music, social media, small conversations and other people’s moods. I literally jump when my Dad enters the room and says my name now. I can feel his anxiety and irritability like a fog around me. I start to feel the same and it never ends well.

I’m practically begging people to talk to me or like me. When I was drinking I could’ve cared less who liked me for many years. Now I feel loneliness like a thousand paper cuts healed and done again the next day.

13th~ It’s Not Always That Clear Cut (Changing The Way We Think About Our Prison System)

I may take some heat for opening this can of worms. That being said, I will anyway. Why do I feel the right to? I have been arrested and through the court system. I have spent more evenings than I would like to admit in a local jail cell. But most of all I spent a large portion of my youth surrounded by white male ex cons. Men who had spent up to anywhere from 2 years to 10 years in prison. Some of these men spent their incarceration in different states from where they lived. I heard their stories from everywhere. I also heard what they never wanted anyone else to know.

13th is a documentary on Netflix. It takes an in depth look at the prison system in the U.S. and how it reveals the nation’s history of racial inequality. (I took this mostly from IMDB)

The problem is we have to stop looking at the appalling shape of our prison system and seeing it as a race matter or an us against them matter. Everyone loses.

Let’s start with an explanation of the difference between jail and prison. You might be surprised at what you don’t know.


Jails are local, used for people recently arrested or awaiting trial. There are over 3,000 local jails across the U.S. and together can hold around 500,000 awaiting trial.


Prisons are state and Federal run institutions. They are for people who have already been convicted.


Each day there are about 500,000 people in jails who are still presumed innocent and awaiting trial just because they can’t afford bail.

Over 60% of people arrested are forced to post a financial bond to be released pending trial.

A recent study showed that in New York courts over 50% of people held in jail awaiting trial for misdemeanors or felony charges were unable to pay bail amounts of $2,500 or less.

The poorest people, those who had to remain in jail since their arrest were 4 times more likely to receive a prison sentence.

Over 95% of criminal cases are finished by plea bargains due to poor legal counsel or money.

Privately owned prisons are a $5 Billion a year industry and are paid a per diem or a monthly rate for each prisoner in it’s facility. A researcher from The University of California Berkeley accused the #1 Company with privatized prisons of insisting on provisions in it’s contracts with governments. This would insure that they only received the youngest, healthiest, and cheapest prisoners.

Mississippi has one of the highest incarceration rates. Their private prisons handed out twice as many strikes against inmates lengthening their sentences by an average of 3 months. This adds up to an increase of  $3,000 per inmate.


Nationwide, people with Mental Health conditions constitute 64% of the jail population. This is according to the Federal Bureau of Prison Statistics.

40% of Riker’s Island inmates were found to be suffering from a mental illness in a recent study yet there is no treatment to be found.

70% of inmates need medical treatment for Addiction only 17% receive it.

Those who are too poor, too mentally ill, or too chemically dependent, even though presumed innocent until proven guilty, are kept in cages until their trial dates.


There are tens of thousands of rapes inside jails and prisons each year. Those are the ones that are reported. There are over 4,000 inmates murdered while incarcerated each year.

I’m going to hypothesize a little here. There may or may not be some truthful elements.

An Alcoholic, undiagnosed Bipolar person is stopped for driving under the influence. They are brought to their local jail. Mug shots taken, fingerprints taken, the whole nine yards. They can’t afford a lawyer or bail and are forced to stay in jail. The people they are surrounded by probably have been there before, they know the ropes. The Alcoholic with the undiagnosed Mental Illness is detoxing and having symptoms of a Depressive Episode. No one notices, no one cares. This person feels isolated and ostracized. They become a victim of violence by other inmates. The longer they have to wait for their trial the worse it gets. Day after day until the moment their fragile brain can’t take it anymore. They either commit suicide or take action against the person tormenting them. If that doesn’t happen and they actually make it back out to the “real” world things are different. The environment they had to adapt to in jail stays with them on the outside. Most likely they will be incarcerated again in the future.


I have personally spent time in some jail cells. I’m not proud of it. It opened my eyes to a lot of things I wasn’t aware of before. I am a Caucasian Female with blond hair and blue eyes at the time. (I have red hair now)  Depending on the area you were arrested in it could be scary. Some of them were known for how they treated any females that were brought in. I witnessed this done to others and there were things I would question when it came to me. I don’t know if they had to take my Blazer and shirt leaving me with only a see through camisole for the entire night. I don’t know why they had to take the little pillow, toilet paper, or my shoes and socks out of the cell. I’m pretty sure it didn’t take 5 officers to make sure I urinated without hurting myself or passing any drugs. The toilet was in the cell. I was young, scared, and I had acted irrationally. I just wanted to go home.

I watched some of the guys I knew as they went in and out of jail. I watched as they became meaner or shells of their old selves. I heard things I never wanted to hear.

Ricky was a sweet, charming, attractive, con artist. If given the chance I believe life could’ve been different for him. He had a lot of grief in his life that he hid with charm and humor. He came from a large family with little money. I know it was only the mother raising them. He had 1 brother who had overdosed, 1 brother who committed suicide, and another who died in a motorcycle accident. He not only hid behind his looks and humor he also numbed it with alcohol and drugs. It didn’t stop when he went to prison. Alcohol and drugs were easy to obtain where he was. Almost easier than on the outside. Every time he went in he came out worse. There were no addiction programs for him. He went from a muscular attractive guy to a skeleton.

He wasn’t the only one. There were several more. None came out better than when they went in. It was always worse. The stories always progressed, the violence done inside escalated until it stuck to them when they were released.

None of them had money for bail or lawyers. You know who did? Me. I was lucky. I personally witnessed how incarceration changes you. It’s never for the better.

This isn’t about anything other than changing the system so it recognizes they have a problem with the poor, the mentally ill, and addicted.

Poverty, Mental Illness, and Addiction have no color. bound-with-chains-of-the-spirit-and-of-men11




I feel somewhat angry today. It could be the fact that I have to see my Psychiatrist tomorrow. The man that does nothing for me but try to push whatever the latest Pharmaceutical Rep has pushed on him, on me. He practically reads from the pamphlet. As soon as I see it’s almost exactly like Brintellix, Pristiq, Abilify, Seroquel, or something else I’ve already been on I start to get anxious and annoyed. Then the game of “Have you ever been on?” starts. You’re the Doctor, I’m the patient. I have cognitive issues and write everything down, you have a computer and a secretary. You also make a shitload of money and your telling me that you can’t pull up my file on your screen to see what you’ve prescribed me before? You want me to do your job for you? Which by the way I have been. I’ve been adjusting my mood stabilizer so I don’t rip anyone’s head off or cry until I’m so dehydrated I look like chicken jerky. You’re welcome.

I’m also tired of the Political goop on television. The sensationalism of it all. When did a race for President turn into fodder for Entertainment Tonight or TMZ’s hottest story besides Brangelina’s divorce? (Her fault. Turn your hands into 2 scales. Pretend you are weighing dysfunction with Angelina on one side and Brad on the other. Now tell me between French kissing your brother while looking like the mother from The Munsters and Billy Bob who’s side is weighed down more? Thank you.) ANYONE RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT SHOULD NOT HAVE ANY TAPE RECORDINGS OF SAID PERSON OJECTIFYING OR DISRESPECTING WOMEN. I don’t care how many E-mails your opponent has you f*cking idiot. You should be ashamed of yourself. The only reason any woman sleeps with you is because you are GREEN $$$! Now you insult them? Good luck after this. Although even O.J. still managed to find a girl or two so what does that say about us?

No one wants to talk about one of the biggest issues. The Suicide rate and the Mental Health system. You really are not hearing it discussed much. I really do wonder what other countries think of us when they see our suicide rate is higher than our murder rate. That we would rather kill ourselves than live here? That the U.S. isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?

I’m in my runaway mode again. I want to go somewhere warm. I want there to be a pool, no flies, no one to yell at me but people that will talk about movies and TV with me. They won’t mind if I babble. I won’t have to take extra Klonopin to make myself quiet so they won’t send me home. My mom would’ve listened. She didn’t care if I talked too much. My brother in law before I was diagnosed, thought I had always had too much caffeine and found it hysterical. He doesn’t now. Now everyone finds it to be a “problem” or I must be “off my meds” or not taking them correctly. Odd how they all thought it was funny before. No one finds me very funny now. My dad has started to roll his eyes.

One thing that hurts me deeply is seeing someone eye roll me. I have no spine, no way to stand up for myself. I really want to slap them upside their head until their eyes roll back into position. But I can’t. I’m not capable of it sober. 8 years of thank yous, yes please, no thanks, can I help you with that? Have taken it’s toll. My parents brought us up to be polite. It only stuck to one of us. Unfortunately the other two’s politeness stuck too. I can’t shake it.

I think I’m winding down and I am now having a hot flash. The joys!


I recently watched the movie Trainwreck with Amy Schumer in it. She wasn’t bad in it and I thought it was kind of cute. I had forgotten why it was I cringed upon hearing her name or seeing her face. Then I remembered. It was a press conference she did with her distant cousin Senator Chuck Schumer about gun control.

Let me start by saying that I agree we need a better way to control guns in the United States. There is no reason your average Joe/Jane should have an automatic weapon unless they have credible evidence of an alien invasion or Putin landing in their back yard.

What I do disagree with is the lumping together of “felons, the mentally ill, or other dangerous people.” Statistics REPEATEDLY show that the mentally ill have more violent acts committed against them than anyone. We are NOT ALL THE SAME.

During the press conference Amy Schumer said “Critics say There’s no way to stop crazy people from doing crazy things” but they’re wrong, there is way to stop them. Preventing dangerous people from getting guns is very possible.”

Ms. Schumer continues with “No one wants to live in a country where a Felon, the Mentally Ill, or Other Dangerous people can get their hands on a gun with such ease.”.

So Ms. Schumer links crazy people, the mentally ill and dangerous all together. We are all the same to her no mater what. Should I be able to vote? Should I be able to live around children? What exactly am I allowed to do? If Society had it’s way the entire population of Mentally Ill would be sent to live on a private island where their tax dollars supposedly wouldn’t have to be wasted on them.

Enough is Enough! I am a human being. I am not a monster hiding in a closet. I cry too much, I hate myself, I sometimes get angry. The only person I have ever tried to KILL IS ME!! The stigma, loss of friends and family, hasn’t made it any easier. Throw sobriety on top of that shit storm and it’s a wonder I’m still here. But I am. I also have more empathy and sympathy than Ms. Schumer.

At a Roast for Charlie Sheen she made a cruel joke about Steve O. She said “Sorry for the loss of your friend Ryan Dunn, I know you must have been thinking “It could’ve been me” and we were all thinking “why wasn’t it!”. So she thinks a man dying in a drunk driving accident who was an alcoholic is entertainment. Making jokes about his best friend dying instead who has also struggled with addiction/depression is a way forward for anyone with a Mental Health issue like addiction and depression? She should run for President.

Ms. Schumer was born in 1981. I guess crazy dangerous women age slower. Or the alcohol did some kind of embalming process on my skin. Either way you know what I’m saying.


I’m not great at insults because I don’t like to do it. I’m passive aggressive. But this kind of behavior spreads. I don’t need it or want it.mv5bmtq4mjgwntmyov5bml5banbnxkftztgwmtc1mji0nde-_v1_sy1000_cr006311000_al_


Sean Penn, El Chapo, And Addiction

So, Sean Penn takes it upon himself to seek out an infamous drug cartel warlord to do an interview for Rolling Stone. I’m sure in Mr. Penn’s mind this sounded rational. What he hoped to accomplish I’m not sure. He wasn’t planning on turning him over to any of the authorities looking for “El Chapo”. He just wanted to sit and chat. To break bread with a man affiliated with another man known as “The Stewmaker”.

The Stewmaker would put a bunch of dead bodies or not so dead bodies into a barrel of lye until there was nothing left but a goopy stew. Hence his nickname. This was not the only human body disposal system Mr. Guzman used. In his interview he said he wasn’t violent unless he had to defend himself. I guess a car filled with 2 teachers and their 3 children were a big threat. A 2 year old can do a lot of damage to the head of one of the biggest Cartels.

I understand growing up in poverty and being surrounded by violence, drugs and gangs. When you look around and all you see as a way out is to join the masses. I also understand the supply and demand. If the United States didn’t give the drug cartels such high demand they wouldn’t feel the need to offer up the supply and make billions of dollars doing so.

How many people in Hollywood whether it’s an actor, actress, singer, artist, etc. also feed into the demand? I think it’s quite a few.

How many Mentally Ill that can’t get access to a good doctor or medications feed into the demand? It’s more than a few. Does anyone take the time to think about that while saving other countries? When I see my heroine addicted Schizophrenic Uncle die from AIDS he contracted from a dirty needle while self medicating, being buried in Potter’s Field I want to vomit with the pain.

When I self medicated with alcohol and later cocaine I fed into the supply and demand. My niece who is also Mentally Ill self medicates with heroine. What is the solution for this? In this country?

“He had indisputable charisma” Mr. Penn wrote. Most Sociopaths do. I’ll admit he’s a shrewd businessman.

There was a time when all of the major drug cartels agreed to a Non Aggression Pact. El Chapo broke this pact by assassinating Rodulfo Carrillo Fuentes, head of the Juarez cartel. This set off a major power struggle between the remaining cartels and all bets were off. Let’s give the man a medal.

While incarcerated he treated prison like his personal playground. Using bribery and threats to bring in prostitutes, drugs and gourmet meals. It makes you wonder why he would want to escape.

There are many injustices in the world. I applaud those who want to right the wrongs. But maybe some of those people could use their influence in more productive ways. Maybe by starting in their own backyard.

I take a controlled substance for Bipolar Disorder. There are many Doctors and other patients with opinions on this. The insurance companies never want to cover it. I tried an experiment. I went 3 days without Adderall. For those 3 days I didn’t move. I remained on the couch drooling. The feeling of moving through quicksand was overwhelming. I couldn’t talk because my stutter was so enhanced. The crying was never ending. Finally my father asked why I was so bad. When I told him he was furious. For the first time he said screw what other people think! He said I needed that medicine and it had been prescribed by a Doctor. The only problem is the pharmacy now wants $190 for it. So do I sit on the couch and drool or fight? Unfortunately the people who abuse the drug have driven the cost up. Supply and demand. Those are some great words. A wonderful concept unless you are the one in demand.



Human Trafficking, An Abhorrent Subject That Needs To Be Discussed

I don’t usually discuss things or give too many opinions on anything involving the government or politics. When it comes to Human Trafficking, Poaching and the Endangered Species List I tend to get upset. These subjects have meaning to me. So while watching the news today I saw at the bottom of the screen something that really got me riled.

From the U.S. State Department:

Approximately 80% of Trafficking involves sexual exploitation, and 19% involves labor exploitation.

There are 20 to 30 Million slaves in the World today.

The average age a child enters the sex trade in the U.S. is 12 to 14.

California harbors 3 of the FBI’s 13 highest child sex trafficking areas in the Nation: Los Angeles, San Francisco, and San Diego.

The National Human Trafficking Hotline receives more calls from Texas than any other state in the U.S. 15% of those calls are from the Dallas Fort Worth area.

Trafficking is the 3rd largest International Crime Industry behind illegal drugs and guns. It reportedly makes a profit of $32 BILLION/YEAR. This is why it’s hard to stop.

The U.S. has a list of places they will not trade with because of it’s history with human trafficking. The list has several Tiers. If a country is on Tier 1 or 2 in means they are trying to do something about the problem. The lower Tiers are considered the worst and we can not trade with them.

Malaysia was on the lowest Tier. It was “fast tracked” to a higher Tier allowing the U.S. to go ahead with a free trade deal with Southeast Asia and 11 other countries.

As The President was negotiating authority for his trade deal Malaysian police uncovered 139 graves in jungle camps used by Traffickers.

On June 29th they fast tracked and pushed ahead on the deal.

Phil Robertson, deputy director of Human Rights Watch’s Asia division said he was “stunned” by the upgrade. He didn’t think Malaysia had done enough to fight Trafficking in any way.

Malaysia was on the same Tier as Thailand, known as a vacation spot for it’s child prostitution/Trafficking, Adult prostitution/Trafficking.

The President of the United States “fast tracked” for trade, a place known for Human Trafficking mostly children, where they have found mass graves of said victims when they are no longer useful.

What do we need from them that is worth the lives of women and children forced into sexual slavery?

When you figure it out let me know.

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