Tag Archives: Rules


In case you didn’t know I have not dated in over 10 years.

I wasn’t really looking to when I moved to a new state but I met someone unexpectedly. Finding someone with the same sense of humor, taste in music, and is easy to talk to (in person), is rare for me. Looks have never been as important to me as laughing and a good hug is. That being said the man I met happens to be extremely attractive. I thought I would have to call 911 for my Aunt when I showed her a picture of him. (insert laughter here)

I found out pretty fast that I wasn’t as good at texting/messaging as I am in person.

If I can’t see a person’s eyes and facial expressions I will overthink every little word/sentence that is sent to me. Who knew this would cause so many problems? Who knew there are so many likes/dislikes, pet peeves, and rules for texting!

For anyone else that is as confused as I am I have compiled information from various “love experts”, psychologists, and surveys. Take it all with a grain of salt or you’ll end up depressed and confused for days, weeks, months, maybe even years.


  1. Initiating boring conversation: Supposedly a red flag for men giving them the impression that this is the best you have to offer. The advice given is to talk about things you’re passionate about. (I don’t think talking about mental health, stigma, bullying, or why serial killers do what they do is going to help me)
  2. Texting more than they do especially about things that don’t matter. (How are you supposed to know what matters unless you ease into it with small talk first?)
  3. NOT texting as much as they do or barely replying. It’s a blow to their ego. (Umm…WTF?)
  4. Responding with vague answers. Allegedly men just want clear cut answers. (So would I!)
  5. Ignoring compliments or deflecting them. They see it as a sign of insecurity. (First of all I am insecure and second I’m also humble.)
  6. Complaining about when they’ve “seen” your text but didn’t reply right away. According to a survey you are ALLOWED to question them about it 24 hours after your last text. (thanks for your permission)
  7. Frequently sending “missent” messages. Apparently they know what you’re up to. (Because of my kidneys my vision changes frequently and some profile pics look the same so I have done this at least once)
  8. Forcing them to reply at work. The only time it’s okay is if he’s not doing anything important. (Because I’m psychic?)
  9. Using one word answers. (Personally I think men do this way more than women)
  10. Bad grammar- One study showed that most men are turned off by incorrect spelling and using contractions wrong. (This is actually a pet peeve of mine but I’ve rarely received messages where the person’s grammar is perfect)
  11. Using ALL CAPS. They perceive it as shouting.
  12. No more than 3 texts in a row if he doesn’t answer after the first one. Don’t keep messaging without waiting for an answer.
  13. Really long texts. They will probably only be glanced at before he puts his phone away. (How am I supposed to talk about topics that I’m passionate about in one sentence?)
  14. Asking “aren’t you going to text me back?!”. It sounds clingy. (it also sounds one step from “I won’t be ignored Dan!” from Fatal Attraction.)

I’ll let you absorb this while I work on the Statistics and Emojis conundrum.


Dating Would Be So Much Better If We Could Just Kill Texting



I won’t follow along with an ideal or concept unless I’ve asked questions and received answers that satisfy my curiosity. If this doesn’t happen or I find reason to¬†disagree with the masses I find myself being scolded, judged, or told to “go along to get along”.

Guess what? I’ll be 45 in January ( I know I don’t look it at all! ) and I’ll be damned if at this stage of my life I’ll be bullied or told to be quiet anymore. I’m done being quiet, silent, playing nice, sugar coating events and feelings and being a doormat.

So this is my opinion take it or leave it.

Some group somewhere decided what was “right” and what was “wrong” when it comes to words used describing “Mental Health”.

  • Saying a person is mentally ill is no longer correct.
  • You should say they have a mental health condition.
  • Crazy, insane, bonkers, etc. is unacceptable. (Not sure when it ever was?)
  • Instead people should say they’re diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder/Schizophrenia/Depression
  • They suffer from Bipolar Disorder/Anxiety/Schizophrenia is also wrong to say.
  • The correct phrasing is “they live with a mental health condition/illness. (what about the first one where mentally ill is no longer correct?)
  • They committed suicide is also wrong.
  • They died by suicide is the right way to phrase it. (what about those that try? Do we say they failed to die by suicide or they survived a suicide attempt making them survivors & that has never sat well with me considering I have failed five times myself because I was too drunk.

All of this is ridiculous. The money¬†spent on this research could’ve been put towards better treatment options.


  1. Recovery implies that mental illness is a choice. Serious mental illness like Bipolar or Schizophrenia are considered lifelong chronic health conditions. Both take a toll on the body and brain, there is no cure.
  2. Recovery suggests a need to return to “normal” state. Which makes me feel more alone and worse about myself. I know I’m not the only one. It also contributes to Stigma.
  3. The concept of recovery by society is detrimental to the person living with the illness/situation. Questions are asked; If people recover, why aren’t you? It must be something you’re doing wrong. Maybe your medications are “preventing” your “recovery” or your choice not to take medications is.
  4. Recovery is an unrealistic standard for any chronic illness whether it’s an autoimmune disease like Celiac (which I have), cancer, Chronic Kidney Disease (got that too), or Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia and some Somatoform Disorders. The best you can do is try to manage them. If you experience psychosis or are not capable of rational decisions/choices why are people expecting you to choose recovery?
  5. Behavioral Health isn’t the same as Mental Illness. Behavioral Health focuses on diet, exercise, mindfulness, and sleep habits. This is fine for a person who might feel a little sluggish or down at times but not for anyone diagnosed with a serious mental illness. There is a huge difference. Changing what I eat will not stop me from seeing myself hanging from a forest of trees at the library. Exercising when there are many days my bones feel like they’re broken won’t stop me from sitting on my kitchen floor with butcher knife pressed into my stomach with no knowledge of how I got there. I also couldn’t hear my Dad calling my name or feel him shaking me. I was in another place and it was scary for both of us.

I suffer, I don’t feel like there is recovery for some of us due to many complicated circumstances but there is remission sometimes. I look forward to those small windows of some kind of happiness or as close to it as I can get. I’ll call myself whatever the hell I want to. I’m the one who has had to live this way for 32 years with so many suspecting or misdiagnosing, poking and prodding, degrading and judging, I’ve earned that right. And maybe I am a survivor or I just like to fight sometimes either way this is it I AM A BIPOLAR ALCOHOLIC IN REMISSION 9 1/2 YEARS ATHEIST WITH CONVERSION DISORDER, SOCIAL PHOBIA AND SEVERE ANXIETY. I HAVE TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE 5 TIMES BUT DID SO WHILE EXTREMELY INTOXICATED SO I’VE HAD MY WRISTS STITCHED, DRANK CHARCOAL, STOMACH PUMPED, ANKLE WRAPPED FROM MY ATTEMPT AT FLIGHT, SOME OF THESE MORE THAN ONCE. AS I GOT OLDER AND SOBER I STOPPED TRYING. I STILL THINK ABOUT IT BUT NOW IT’S ONLY A THOUGHT BECAUSE I’M TOO AFRAID OF NOT KNOWING WHERE I’LL GO WHEN I DIE AND THAT’S THE TRUTH.


It’s once you enter more of the real world that it’s harder.

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